More than we see
by LovethroughLetters
Summary: I take quotes and Moments from every Episode of the first season and try to get a look behind their masks. What could have been left unsaid. Play with their thoughts, minds and actions. Be aware that these are just short stories!
1. Chapter 1 Pilot

**Okay so I'm new to this fandom, just started with season one. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough, what they both say or do on screen. So my Mind started filling the gaps. This is what came to page...**

 **Catherine** _Everyone told me it was a wild animal; a coyote, a bear. That this thing I thought I'd seen was just the result of my concussion, or post-traumatic stress. You know, the men who killed my mother were beasts. I believed them. Until now._

 _Catherine:_

The first days after the death of my mother were like a bad dream, a nightmare and I couldn't wake up as much as I wanted to. Hours I had been awake at night, first in the Hospital bed later in my own, my thoughts all over the place desperately trying to remember the brief encounter with this thing while closing myself up to the grief about the loss of my mother. I didn't cry once. Concentrating on the one thing I could control in my mind, I tried to replay this night a hundred or a thousand times. How I ran into the woods, how I fell and how I first felt that I wasn't alone with these Killers. How did it sound, how did it smell and how it moved. Sometimes I got a glimpse of a memory flashing through my mind or hear the sound of his growling in my ears. The graceful movement or the way his eyes seemed to glow yellow. Most of these Flashbacks came in the early morning, when I flowed in this foggy state between sleep and awakening. I tried to hold on to them, to never open my eyes too quickly. I was never able to. So I began to write notes, collect everything I found or remembered about this night.

Even back at home I had a notebook stored beside my bed to write down this brief images. They covered whole sites, some just sticky notes, sometimes sketches of golden eyes and claws. I tried to talk about it, first with my family but my father and Sister where also trying to process the tragedy and weren't really listening to my rambles. Neither were the cops, the staff at the hospital, two therapists I was sent to and some of my friends. They all looked at me with pity in their eyes like I have gone mad. Like this was my strange way to deal with the loss. After some time I just stopped talking about it, burying it inside me and after a couple of month they all thought I was getting better. I studied hard and made my family proud, I spend time with friends and even dated. They all seemed happy that I stepped back from the threshold of insanity and I let them believe it. I got through college, became a Cop and never said a single word about it again.

But these days, sometimes alone at home when I sat on my desk, thinking about that cold and horrible night, going through the articles from the papers or looking at case files, I got the book out that still lies under my bed and read those lines, look at the poorly sketches and tell myself that I am right, that I am not insane, that I'm not having PTSD or what they've all told me. That this is what I saw, heard and felt in that night and every letter, every word is the truth, my truth.

 **J.T** _: You broke every rule! No interacting with anyone, no entering a building -_

 **Vincent** _: I know what the rules are, okay? I made them. It's been years. It starts to feel like a prison in here._

 **J.T** _: What prison has a flat screen and an Xbox?_

 _Vincent:_

Who cares about a flat screen I wanted to scream at him but I didn't. I felt so much pent up anger and despair, I was shaking and hanging on a thin thread on the bridge of a change. I forced myself to breath and stay calm. He gave so much up, lost so much for me that I couldn't be angry at him.

I made those rules I hated so desperately. It was unwarranted but undoubtedly the way I felt. He couldn't understand and even when he was almost in the same position as me, he also wasn't. J.T. could go outside everyday, interact with people and work in his profession. I was here, in this building day and night, wasting away. I could never work as a Doctor again, never contact someone i once knew, go the Movie or invite a beautiful woman for dinner. Not that I could be with a woman anyways. When I would get out, to stop myself from going insane, it was infrequent and in the middle of the night. Plus I couldn't talk to anyone, I was always watching, observing but never participating. Not that there were much people around at night that I wanted to talk to but still. I was desperate for any human contact. But I hadn't talked to another human being other than J.T. in nine Years. Hadn't felt another one touching me willingly even longer.

I had spent Years researching, studying and in addition learned how to cook, how to take care of myself. Had endless time to play video games, watch that crap on TV or to work out. The daily hours when my friend was at work, I read. I read so many books from all types of themes, even romantic novels. Through books I could travel, finding myself in stories, hiding in a fantasy world. I felt alive through the characters, experiencing their adventures while sitting in my bed, in this house. In this prison, made by my own hands and rules. But then there were these days like today when I couldn't lie to myself. This wasn't a life, not even half of it. The years of work for the damned Antidote were pointless, it was almost sure I would have to live like this till I finally die or maybe Muirfield would get me first. And than I became angry, with him, with me and the whole world. Because of my DNA i couldn't control that emotions and would turn. Becoming even more aggressive and in the end hating myself for it. An endless circle but I couldn't help it. This was my reality. It felt so unfair.

Once a year I had searched her out to take a look at her, from some roof or out of an dirty alley. Always in hiding, always on the dark of the night. Just the need to see, to know how she had changed over the last 365 days. She was always alone, much like myself. She smiled here and there but it never reached her eyes. Every year I hoped for a genuine smile, for some kind of sign that she was happy with her life but it seemed like she was as lonely and reclusive as me.

A few days later i met her. Face to face for the second time. Not in a way that i would've ever planned it but that couldn't be changed now. These last days, I had tasted Freedom. I had interacted, had to react to a situation. I had talked to a beautiful Woman something I couldn't bring myself to even hope. And not every Woman, it was her. The Woman who haunted my dreams and lived in my mind since 9 years. For the first time in month I felt human, I felt like a man. Now that we've met, talked and wrote notes to each other I felt useful, alive. She had seen me in a way even J.T. couldn't. Like I could breathe again. And inside me was this small voice of dangerous hope that maybe, just maybe she could see me, the man not the monster.

 **I hope you enjoyed reading it. Be aware that English is not my first language so maybe it could need some Beta ;-)**


	2. Chapter 2 Proceed with Caution

**Thanks for the nice Feedback and here are the Words, Lines and Images that popped in my head while watching Episode 2. Have fun...**

 _ **Catherine Chandler**_ _[voice over] Being a detective is about drawing lines. The lines between us and them, good guys and bad guys, perp and victim._ _Then there are the lines we draw to protect ourselves. Rules, protocol. It's about not crossing those lines, because when you do, bad things can happen._

Catherine:

These last days this Lines became blurry, greyish for me. I had seen how dangerous it could get. How high the price could be for just knowing him. Had bruises on my body that showed it to me. My Career, my family, my friends and how I put them all in danger for this one Man. The logical Cop in me knew I had to take a step back, no better take 100 steps back, turn around and leave. But I couldn't. First I needed these answers about my mother, answers i knew only he could give me. He was my only chance of finding out what happened all that years ago and why. But I also was intrigued by this Man, so quietly helping all those people. How he had accomplished to stay under the radar so long. He was like a magnet for me, when I was wandering around I would found myself always in his Neighborhood. At night when I came home my first thought was to check on him. I was so curious to get to know him. This handsome man with the sad eyes and his soft speech stayed in my Mind, day and night. He touched something deep in me, the injustice of the life he had to live, always in the shadows, always looking behind his back. He did it with dignity but in some moments you could see his carefully placed mask slipping. He always spoke very quietly, like he didn't knew how the other person would react. It's like he forgot how to talk and interact with people. Or like the day I touched his cheek. He stopped breathing, letting himself only feel this innocent contact of skin on skin, savoring the unique warmth that only another human can give. I would still have my hand holding his face if it was for him. The look in his eyes when I withdrew it nearly made me touch him again. Just for nanoseconds you could see the loneliness and the despair in those dark eyes, not sure if he would ever get a chance of feeling it again.

I had to think about this feelings I had for him, what they are and what they could mean. Had I kind of a helping Complex? Was it just the Excitement of this new Person in my Live or was it maybe more. I was completely out of my comfort zone. Normally I had my few people who had had earned my trust. My family and Tess for example. I had never been the outgoing Type of person, never found it easy to make new friends. But you also couldn't say I was some kind of Wallflower, I just liked my Privacy. After work I usually just got home, ate something, work out and than read for a bit until I fell asleep. Sometimes I would go for a drink with Tess, ignoring the drunken Advances from the 'fresh of the Academy' Cops. I wasn't stupid, I realized when someone came on to me, that Evan flirted openly with me. But flings at work were a no-go for me plus he wasn't my type. Honestly I didn't know if I even had a type, my previous Boyfriends were just some guys,maybe a little to bad boyish for my own good. It never lasted long and never felt like I was truly loosing someone important. Maybe I was a emotional Cripple, just focused on my Job. No one had kept me interested until now. And it was frightening.

 _ **Vincent Keller**_ _But as much as I keep saying "stay away", I keep showing up, too. You know, the truth is I don't really have anyone to contact. You know, I mean, there's J.T., but that's J.T. And, uh... you've seen me when I don't want anyone to see me. And you still haven't run._

 _Vincent:_

Stay away. How many times had I told her that within the last days, weeks. Sometimes with exactly this words, sometimes I had used others, but the matter had always been the same. And while I said those words, every time my mind had screamed at her, that if she goes could she please, just for a few seconds, touch my cheek again? So I can feel her soft, warm hand just one last time? I had gone so long without human contact. Sure I had J.T. but that contact felt a million times different. The occasional slaps on my back, the friendly shove of a shoulder weren't the same as her gently, feminine touch. His was encouraging, hers were soothing. Did she know that I sniffed her beautiful smell like a damn dog every time she was close, bathed in her sweet laughter when we talked? What a creep I was. She would run if she knew all of that or at least when she found out that I now stalked her almost everyday, followed her every step like a man possessed. There had been moments when we said our goodbyes when I wanted to drop to my knees and literally beg her to come back, to not leave me alone. And when the scene played out in my mind I was ashamed. Ashamed for my selfishness and for how pathetic I was. What had I become?

In a way I had forgotten how good it felt. And a mean, little part of me was angry at her for remembering me of feelings and longings I shouldn't or couldn't have. At first I told myself I would help her, just to come out of my Monotony. It made me feel useful, kept me occupied. But when she learned more about me, realized who I was and remembered me from that night it became uncomfortable. She started asking questions she shouldn't and got me and J.T. in a really dangerous situation. Not to mention herself. And the night on the Subway station? I had been honest with her, she had seen me how I never wanted anyone to see me, captured in my beastly rage and this grotesque body. Seen the real face of the Monster they had made. I wanted to hide under a rock at the thought that she had seen me like this. But she didn't run. I thought, probably because I saved her again. From the Killers that were after her because of my existence. Had she felt my heart beating a million beats per second as I shielded her with my body, the only protection I had to offer. I didn't felt the pull of the fast train, didn't hear the loud noise just felt her small body trapped between the dirty wall and my own. The days after that, J.T. was close to panicking, he saw right through me, saw how she changed something in me. When she took that photo I nearly lost it, showed her a glimpse of the Monster inside again just to get her to her senses. I was sure I had lost her, pushed her enough that time. But she didn't even flinch just watched me while i tried to control myself. No matter what i did, she always came back. J.T. and went so far to pretend i had run off for good. But even that didn't stopped her. When she didn't find me she wrote me a letter.

I had read it so often, the ink had started to fade. How desperate I had to be, to pull her in to this sick life, my life and to dump my problems on her. It wasn't her burden to take and there wasn't a chance she could do anything to help me. I tried to stay away from her, but every Day without her was like the light had been sucked out of my already empty Life. It was constant battle between my heart and Brain. And than, one night from my hiding spot, I saw how her eyes started searching the roofs of her neighborhood. Could this be real? Was she looking for me? J.T. told me the next day that she came looking for me. I was speechless and had no Idea how I should react. My friend expressed his concern everyday anxious for our safety. But i wrote two words on a piece of paper and had waited. No where to go, I had asked her to met me at the roof top from the ballet studio. Had waited anxiously for her to arrive with no idea what to say to her. I just had no power to fight it, I couldn't keep my distance. If she was my fatal mistake than I would make it with a smile in my lips.


	3. Chapter 3 All in

**I couldn't decide for two so I made three short ones, have fun.**

 _ **Catherine Chandler**_ _: I just walked in on my sister and a friend christening my apartment._

 _ **Tess Vargas**_ _: Ooh. I'd charge extra_ _rent_ _for_ _that._

 _Catherine:_

Tess and i joked and laughed the whole day about it, little Heather getting it on and i charging her extra Dollars for the sterilization of our apartment. It was hilarious, really. I wasn't angry at my sister, it was her home too and she was young, she should have fun. But just maybe not in our Kitchen, the place where I ate. But something about it kept bothering me, I just couldn't put my finger on it. It taunted my mood all day and only when I lay in the safety of my own Bed I could bring myself to be honest with me.

Maybe I was a bit jealous. Not of Heather or this Josh guy, but for the part of being with someone. It had been a while since I was with a man and I was a grown woman, I had hormones and urges like anyone. Of course I wanted someone by my side, next to me in my bed. But the thought of letting someone getting close to me terrified me. Letting another one see my deepest secrets had always been one of my fears. So i stayed alone and used my Imagination from time to time. And in the safety of my privacy I was letting my mind wander, let said imagination replace Heather with myself. But not Josh were the focus of my thoughts, no. His shoulders got broader, his arms became more muscular and his eyes transformed into darker ones. Standing at my refrigerator wearing nothing but tight boxers and looking hungrily at me. Shock forced my fantasies to vanish when my mind painted a clearer picture. It was Vincent. I realized I had fantasized about me and Vincent in my kitchen. I could feel myself blushing fiercely while trying to get rid of this Image in my head. Fuck. Of course, I know it was all harmless in my head but he needed a friend, a person to protect and help him not someone who was secretly lusting over him. The whole Station I worked at was fill of attractive Men, why did I pictured none of them, but Vincent? Sure he was very handsome, but nonetheless it somehow felt wrong. I felt guilty to use him like that. He deserves more.

 _ **Vincent:**_ _No, I saw Catherine arrest a woman who was innocent. Okay I thought she should know. That's it._

 _ **Catherine:**_ _Are you?_ _You saw me arrest her? And earlier at the school. Have you been following me?_

Vincent :

Busted! Fear creeps ups my spine and makes my head spin. My hands are getting sweaty. How do I get out of this before she realized that I lied to her and that I'm a total creep?! All this time I told her I just go out in the safety of the night and now she knows I'm following her around in the bright of the day. I don't want her to know how important she had become for me, I don't want her to know the power she holds over me. I make a lame try to excuse it with the resent attack and hope she buys it. Thankful she does and we talking some more about the case, work seems always like a safe topic with her. But I know I can't convince J.T.. This is just another proof for him that I lost my mind over this annoying Cop, he says. I don't know how to answer him, it's not that I have any chance of denying it. I try to sense how she feels about this piece of new information, but she let me see nothing. Does she feel safer now? Not that she would need me to feel safe but just knowing that someone keeps an eye on her could be good, right?

As always when she leaves, I feel unsure of the situation. Is she mad at me? Is she even caring? I'm not so good in reading people any more and it makes me feel uneasy and insecure, feelings that I don't like and also didn't felt a long time but she brings them all back. I want her to like me, to know I'm worthy of her trust. But maybe I'm just a helpful source for her to use, like a tracker dog. I hope I'm not. while my mind rewinds our conversation, trying to red between the lines J.T. Is rambling about his heart attack, the danger and that he is the one left out. I try to nicely blend him out and go back to my work out. Maybe if I power myself out enough, I could get a restful night of sleep without thinking or dreaming of her...

 _ **Catherine Chandler**_ _: I just wish you were a normal guy._

 _ **Vincent Keller**_ _:_ _Ouch._

Vincent:

A normal guy? I don't think she knows how deep this words stab my gut. For 10 Years I wish to be normal, to live a normal live. And since the last weeks, there's another wish. To be a normal man. Thanks for pointing that out, Cat. She's trying to soften her words, trying to make it didn't sound so bad, but the after taste stays. I try to look not wounded and joke about it. Maybe she finally get it. There isn't really a chance for a life for me. Perhaps she is contemplating her connection with me, if it's worth the risk that it brings with knowing me? She says she want to do this on my terms, but even I don't know what my terms are. I give her my number, although it's more of an symbolic act because it's going to be deactivated in a few days. I think it's the thought that counts. But her words don't leave my head, I hear them in an endless repeat. Normal...

It makes me grumpy for a few days but than it hit's me. I know why I wishing for all this stupid stuff but why is she? Are there any chances that she might find me attractive, even with my scarred face? That she could consider being with me? Although all the ugliness that resides in me? Not to mention the human insecurities that I feel on top or the deadly sword hanging over all of our heads. After this raw panic she saw in my eyes in this shitty hiding hole, while trying desperately to get out? I always thought it was just me, developing this fruitless feelings on the first Person that had been nice to me in several years. I know, I had J.T. but it just felt so different with her. It felt so good to be seen, to be enough to hold her eye and interest. She saw me, Vincent the Guy who knew about medicine and were a soldier in the past. Not Vincent, the Freak with the crazy Episodes were he turned into some horror creature. Talking to her was easily, stimulating and felt real. Like we were Friends who asked about the others day or helped each other with a problem at work. Except that I don't have a Job or very much to talk about but somehow she still likes our Conversations.


	4. Chapter 4 Basic Instinct

**In Episode 4 there wasn't much to decide, the following quotes made me laugh or touched me deeply and I needed to write about them. P.S. Thank you all very much for your kind Reviews and I hope you enjoy this next piece.**

 _ **Catherine:** No... no I just... I'm just peeing._

 _ **Joe:** Just throw in the damn ball._

Catherine:

Crap, did I just said that out loud? Is there any filter between my brain and my Mouth? He's gentlemen enough not to respond to that, he just smiles and throws the ball back in the field. With a nod he turns around and disappears between the trees. On my way back I think of all the excuses that would have been so much better than 'I'm peeing'. But focus Catherine, time to end this stupid practice. Under the pretext of getting something to drink I enlighten my phone, acting like I just got a message and a few minutes later we're on our way. There is not much left to do when we arrive at the crime scene so Tess goes home while I call the Hospital. Vincent clearly was good in his former Job, with his instructions they could sent him straight into surgery, saving that boys life. How he can not see how good he is, I don't understand. Most of the people would have simply call for an ambulance, but not Vincent. He brought him straight in himself and gave them the diagnosis they needed to get to work. But all he ever saw when he looked himself was the Beast.

 _ **Catherine:** Understand that I am a Cop. I put people like you away._

 _ **Vincent:** You try to decide if I belong in a cage._

Vincent:

My breathing came in short gasps as I made my way back to the warehouse, my eyes had become a little bit watery. I shouldn't have trusted her, I shouldn't! I thanked God that J.T. wasn't at home when I ran through the door and slammed it shut behind me. Slowly sliding down on the wall I tried to understand what had happened, tried to breathe through this upsetting emotions. My whole body hummed in a strange way. I had been so concerned for her the last night, unsure if she was safe and if she could handle the threats, the danger and the pressure of Muirfield. I wanted to be there for her, be by her side and also give her space so I stayed on the top of her fire escape watching out, the whole night. The next evening I searched for her again. I had been so stupid. But one day and the encounter with Muirfield had turned her view on me. I heard the things they told and showed her, they sounded even more unspeakable and horrible out of her mouth. I couldn't deny them so I tried to explain it to her, tell her that the Guy was about to rape a woman, but she just wouldn't listen. She took a fearful step back in the second I came closer and I wanted to vomit. I couldn't stand this look on her face, the way her eyes are fearfully watched my every movement. She was afraid of me, finally. But it saddens me that I did nothing to deserve it. It wasn't one of my Changes that she witnessed, it was because someone had told her Stories. Just the seed of Muirfields evil Idea of me and it had fallen on fertile ground, in just one damn night their stories had changed the way she looks at me. Had turned us from a woman and a man to a cop and a murder.

What hurt the most was not only that she now knew I was a Killer, a killer was human. No, the way she looked at me now was painful for me, like she finally sees that Creature everyone was talking about, for the first time. Like I was beyond all hope. A person she would normally 'put away', as she said. She used the word people but her eyes said something else. Killer. Monster. Animal. She could as well take me behind the barn and put me out of my misery. All the hope inside me evaporated. I should have listened to J.T., if we only had stayed hidden in the darkness. Knowing, how she had talked and laughed with me, the memories of the way she had looked at me was tormenting me now. I could have lived my miserably existence with dignity if I hadn't get to know how it felt to mean something to someone. I wanted her to look behind my Sins. I had tasted from forbidden apple and now I was punished for my wishes, for my hope and greediness. I let myself suffer in the sharp shards of my crushed illusion, in the lies I had told myself. One night I let myself grief the small chance of a Live I could have had and then in the dark morning hours, I put myself back together. I took a shower, buried my feelings in a place deep down inside of me an started to think out a plan. A plan how to end this all. I took the burden of my existence back and off their shoulders. So they could live again...

 _ **J.T. :** No, known him my whole life, I mean it freaks me out when he's like that but he'd never hurt me._

 _ **Catherine :** How do you know?_

 _ **J.T. :** I just know._

Catherine:

The deep Conviction in his words confirmed my own Feelings. That night in the woods I had never been afraid of him. Back then, I knew he would never harm me. What had changed? Why had I felt this uneasy around him yesterday? Maybe the Images and the words had been to fresh in my mind. I had been so shocked and confused and didn't had time to wrap my head around all the People, all the victims. I doubted that he would kill them on purpose but I also didn't really know how much control he had in his beastly rage. I had wanted to talk to him this evening, sort things out and apologize. But now this reaction to the Situation? I had been concerned for him before but this time it was different. He was voluntary giving himself back into their cruel hands and I guessed it was partly because of me. Just seconds after my phone call with J.T. I felt ill. The look in his eyes yesterday should have told me everything. My words had hurt him deeply. I hadn't thought he would react this drastic. Getting our life's back his note said, but on what cost? Letting himself get caught, likely tortured and surely killed was probably his idea of redemption. And I had been the last push he had needed. I wanted to slap myself.

We arrived there at the last seconds and the scene was very hard to look at. All these armed men and Vincent in Chains. Chains. Like the Animal he saw in himself at last, thanks to me. What had I done to this kind man with just a few words? He knew what he was but I had made him feel even worse about his situation. Let him feel hopeless. I shouted his name, tried to get his attention, reminding him of the young boy who was still alive just because of him. And hoped it worked. But it was them shooting at me, what got him out if this stupor. I was proud of him, fighting for his freedom, taking his life back and by the way he saved me again. We saved each other. When the Muirfield agents were finally defeated, he told me to go. To look after the boy. In that moment I vowed to myself that I would always be honest with him. He should never think again that I was afraid of him. I would always remind him of all the Kindness he had in him, all the Courage and that he was more than his DNA.


	5. Chapter 5 Saturn returns

_**I watched Episode 5 last night, thought about and the watched it again and again. I think I memorized almost every line... There was so many little scenes I wanted to write about, so many little glances, movements and so many sentences that catched my interest. It was a really hard decision to find the right quotes. In the end I decided on this three Lines, I hope you enjoy... P.S. OMG what an opening scene... It's totally okay with me if they did on every Episode!**_

 _ **J.T. Forbes**_ _ **:**_ _Uh, me? Choir. But seems that since he met you, Vincent feels alive. He... he thinks he can have a normal life and... and walk on sidewalks and stuff. You know who can't_ _do that? Guys with death certificates._

Vincent :

Oh crap, he didn't just say that. Out loud, with that sarcastic undertone and in front of her. I thought we were talking confidently. We're best friends and now he throws my inner feelings at her feet. She looks kind of surprised and also shocked. And, oh damn is that pity in her Eyes? Please god let the earth swallow me, now. Yeah, I feel alive since I met you is that so hard to believe? She doesn't say anything about it. Maybe she is just polite, or maybe as embarrassed as me? Or maybe it just doesn't matter to her. She is very heard to read. They both go on, talking about safety and I try to answer and ease their panic. I feel a little like a Kid who's getting scolded by his parents. Not really the way I want her to see me. We had some time over the last nights to talk and to regain our trust in each other, reconnecting. It was all very friendly, just conversations but it left me agitated. Like we had a fresh start. The way she talks and smiles is slowly pulling me in. I feel more relaxed and almost a little accepted in her presence, a feeling that I only had with J.T. till now. And she makes me smile, something I hadn't much reason to do in the last years.

I know I sound annoyed when we explain the whole Phase B stuff to Cat, but I can't help myself. I am so confused right now. I try to act normal, lighten the mood and congratulates her on her Birthday. I decide to drop a little information on the side about my yearly stalking habits, hoping she doesn't freak out about it. She doesn't and it's a sign for me that she has indeed very much on her mind right now. She seems not so excited about it this year, tells me how her life appears to be a little confusing right now. Cat tells me her birthday is very connected with memories of her Mother and I'm humbled that she shares some of that with I make a mental note of her liking old movies and flannel PJ's. I ask about her party cause she was always having one in the past but she tells me she isn't having any. I realize it's somehow my fault she don't wants a party. She has a life with real people in it, unlike me and J.T., people that ask question, notice her strange behavior Now she has to act and sneak around, every time she's coming to see me. She has to lie to them because of me. People always have to lie because of me...

 _ **Catherine Chandler**_ _: You're offering me an entire night where I don't have to make up lies?_

 _ **Vincent Keller**_ _: Yeah, I figured you could use a break from it. I'll see you at eight._

 _ **Chandler**_ _: It's a date_

 _ **Catherine Chandler**_ _: Not a... not a "date" date._

Am I babbling? Stop, stop talking Cat, he looks like a deer in the headlight. Awkward! I look away, desperately looking for any kind of distraction. My brain finally starts function again and I start asking about his home and pictures... It brings me the final clue for my current case but all day my mind goes back to his face when I dropped the word date. Was that excitement or fear? Does he want to have a Date with me, is that even possible for him? Does I want a date with him? I contemplate that thought and yeah I think it would be nice, just him and me for once at a table and not on a rooftop or my fire escape in the cold. Just talking and maybe there would be a good night kiss... Okay now I'm getting ahead of myself and I have no idea if he even is up to that Idea. Maybe he doesn't want to and I'm making a fool out of myself when I ask him about it. Or he wants to but can't because of his situation and it would be cruel to offer something he can't have. Should I ask J.T.? Now that would be even more strange and he would probably say no anyway aaaand were not in 6th grade any more Cat.

When I went back to the Warehouse later something is different. Somehow Vincent is fully on his self loathing trip. He's closed up and back on pushing me away, telling me how lucky I am for even having a party and friends when he and J.T. doesn't. He even plays the card of him saving me for more than hanging out in hiding with him. Something had happened. And I think he doesn't understand how I feel when I'm with him, I know about all the things I have to give up in order to spent time with him, know the danger and the obstacles. I like just sitting with him, talking. I can be myself with him. Isn't he realizing I'm a grown woman and can decide for myself? I know I have all the things that both of them are missing but doesn't Vincent see that he is worth the effort. In my eyes at least.

So I'm kind of annoyed on my way home, not really in the mood for a lot of people. But Heather had good intentions and probably put much effort in it so I give it a shot. The party is nice, I wouldn't have needed it, but it was relaxing to drink a bit, have fun and let loose. Until the end of course, that kiss from Evan was just... I don't know what it was besides drunk and wrong and overall surprising. It's going to be so awkward to see him again. As I clean up while Heather is past out on her bed I feel angry, angry with me for not pushing him away, angry at him for kissing me when his date is waiting for him outside and angry at Heather for leaving me alone with this mess here. I decide that I did enough and go to bed. On my way to the bedroom my eyes fell on the photo booth and behind it. There, softly shining and wrapped with care sits a gift. It only can be from him, directly besides the fire escape. It's light as I pick it up, but there's no note on it which is strange. When did he put it here, why didn't he tried to get my Attention? When I turn around my eyes fall directly into the booth. The booth were I was kissed by my Co worker just an hour ago. And than I realize. Oh please no...

 _ **Catherine:** My sister is out. I have Dinner ready by eight and unless there is something else holding you back I hope to see you there._

If he saw me with Evan, he didn't let it show. His mask was in place but I wanted to look behind it. I had thought all day about it and wanted to make him an offer. Give him a sign that he was the one I was interested in and no one else. He thought so little of himself, like he was responsible for everything that went wrong or was bad in my life. But compared he didn't saw the sweet, good things we shared. So I made my point about this whole situation, and invited him for Dinner without waiting for an answer. Always on his terms and always with a back door open for him. When I left him, I felt excited. I went shopping for groceries and started making one of the few recipes that I could cook, Pasta Bolognese. I drank a beer to calm my nerves on the thoughts of an evening with him alone, it's wasn't like this was the first time that we are alone but tonight was going to be a totally different setting. I had carefully set the table and placed the candles on it. I wanted it to be obviously. This was a real dinner date with a romantic undertone. I wanted him to know that I was open for a chance of this becoming more. And I hoped that he felt that way too. I freshened up and took a last look at our dinner. Everything was ready, the only thing that's missing is him. So I waited.

But he didn't show up. I waited for hours but shortly before midnight it's clear that he wasn't going to come. I hadn't thought that this would hurt me that much. After I blew out the candles I put the food away, I surely wasn't hungry any more. My Mind was trying to figure out a reason why he would turn this opportunity down. Why he was turning me down. Was he angry because of the Kiss? Had I read the signs wrong? Perhaps I was to forward but I had been sure that we felt the same way. Maybe, I was wrong about that.

 **Endnote: I have my piece for episode 6 finished so if you want me to continue let me know!**


	6. Chapter 6 Worth

_**Again I couldn't decide for just two, this episode was a beautiful roller coster. Hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Catherine:**_ _I was reading in our connection like it was fate or destiny that brought us together._ _Truth is you saved other people, not just me. And we should stick to working on cases. That's what we are._

Vincent:

I stand in her kitchen while she talks and talks and with every word that she says it's getting clearer. She thinks she's nothing special, how can she not see how I'm completely enchanted by her, watching her every move. Please, stop talking Catherine, i'm here to tell you how I feel. I'm trying to comprehend how I messed this up or let her think that I don't want her. And again, it seems like I can't find the right words. Every time I open my mouth I say it wrong, or nothing at all. An hour ago I was sure that i could explain it all to her, the black outs and the other little thing with the jealousy. But it seems like I'm too late with that. She is letting me go, giving up and closes the door on any chance that we could have had. We're back to the start, back on safe ground with us just working on cases again. I so don't want that but a little voice reminds me that this is safer for her. While she talks to me I repeatedly tell myself that it is better this way, safer for both of us, over and over again, like a Mantra. It just doesn't feel like this is better. We both turned away from something that hadn't even started. Its better that way I told myself again. And than it knocks on the door. One Look at her and I don't need her explanation to know that this is him. My mind screams profanities at him and at this fucked up situation, but what change would it make. So I go while he steppes in, retreat back to were I belong... hidden in the dark. Observing and watching, never participating. Its much harder to stay behind now, seeing how the woman I fell in love with talks and jokes with another man.

They have a conversation about a cancelled dinner and than she's asking him to come along with her. With him that's easy, he just says yes. The first thing of a long list of things that he can do and I can't. Take her out for Dinner, meet her Family, Kiss her... it goes on and on. I can tell he knows his way with woman, how he flirt and charms her. He can offer her the world while I have nothing other than myself. Vincent, the supposedly dead Killer. It was not enough, it would never be enough. I had no idea why I'm still there, watching them together and torturing myself. When he is helping her with her Jacket I want to scream at him, that this is my job and my Woman. For a few seconds I let myself feel the rage and the anger inside me. Than I leave. Again I scratch together what's left of my heart and try to stay calm. I could be useful for her, can help her with work. It has to be enough. I have to be happy with what I get and stop dreaming of stupid miracles.

 _ **Vincent:** She didn't feel worthy._

 _ **Cat:** How can you be so sure? _

_**Vincent:** Because I know what it feels like._

Catherine:

He took my breath away with his words. It was clear that neither of us were talking about the case any more. The room felt smaller and the air was thick with our Emotions.

This was the Moment. I had waited so long for this. The moment when he took his mask off and showed me himself. In front of this heartbreaking Testimonies of a great love Vincent finally let me see him. With only five words he bared his soul to me. Made me see his struggles, self loath and fears. I realized that they had been hidden behind his every action. He had told me between the Lines how he had been feeling and I hadn't heard it, hadn't seen it. I had doubted him just like the Muse I just saw doubted her Painter.

It had been there all the time. I just didn't look close enough. A few hours ago it felt like the end and now this beautiful, damaged man confessed to me with such sadness in his eyes that I wanted to cry. For him, for what he had to endure and for all the loneliness that he felt inside of him. My body ached to hold him, to wrap my arms around him and never letting go. How badly he wished to be near someone, to be loved and to be enough. But in the moment I could breath again he was gone, leaving me alone with my rapidly beating heart. I looked around, wanted to reach for him, tell him that I felt just like him and that he wasn't alone any more. I didn't find him. So I stayed there for a few minutes, looked at all the beautiful Paintings and got myself together. Preparing for tomorrow and the turning point in our Relationship.

 _ **Vincent Keller**_ _Who I am makes everything seem impossible._

 _ **Catherine Chandler**_ _No. Who you are, it makes everything worth it._

Vincent:

While if feel the sun warming my neck her words finally sinking in, she's doing what i couldn't confessing her feelings. But how can she see behind all my sins and flaws and still find something that deserves her attention, her affection. She is coming closer. The best thing in her life? Waiting every day to see me? I try to tell her that I am a loss, that I'm maybe forgot how to be with somebody. She didn't seems to mind. I confess my jealousy and it makes her smile, i make her smile. She even tell me she likes it. She is taking a chance with me, ready to jump. How can she be so sure when I'm a helpless mess of insecurities? This could go wrong on so many levels. I could hurt her, kill her but she could destroy me.

She could have everyone including this British Bastard, why is she interested in me? Maybe the Vincent that I was ten years ago could have been her type. The Vincent now? The Guy without a life, with no money, no nothing? But she tells me that this is worth it, that somehow I am worth it. She is looking into my eyes and it feels like she looking straight into my heart. Can she see her name branded on it? Again, she steps closer, so close that I can feel the warmth of her body. She's doing it again. She is touching me and I'm almost sure that this is a dream. It has to be a dream. All words fall out of my head, my mind goes completely blank, while I stare at her. She caress softly the scarred side of my face like it didn't bothers her. I wish I could offer her something prettier. Her eyes drop to my mouth, like she wants me to kiss her? Should I? Her lips are looking so soft. I've imagined this moment a thousand times over the last weeks. Okay I'm seconds away from freaking out. I try to remember how to kiss, it has been a while. Before I can make up my mind she tells me that she needs to go. Wait what? I still sit here next to the window while she leaves, trying to catch my breath. I don't know how to feel. Confused, a little overwhelmed, agitated and definitely happy. My heart swells with hope the longer I think about it, building dream castles in my head where the beast could have a chance of getting the princess.


	7. Chapter 7 Out of Control

**Okay before we start I have to say that the 7th episode really haunted me. I had some scenes picked out that spoke to me but threw them all away by the end of the Episode. The final scene really messed me up, brought me close to tears and there wasn't a question any more about what to write. I even wrote the scene in two perspectives. I hope you're all still with me cause here it is.**

 _ **J.T. :** If you need to go into dark tunnels with this guy alone... you're going to need this!_

Vincent:

I take the weapon from J.T. thankful that she didn't reach for it. I didn't need another reminder for what I was. That little things tell me, that her saying she isn't afraid of me is the truth. That she trusts me and it makes me feel like I'm 10 feet tall.

Last night, all I could think about were her words and this almost Kiss. That was the real reason behind my late night walk. I had paced around in the warehouse, completely worked up. Nothing could take the edge off. And so I decided to jump. I was on my way to her, to do it, to finally kiss her. But than the Black out happened. When I stood under that spray of hot water, watching that crimson drops wash down my body I wanted to punch something. For the first time in years I felt hope and now the truth of my existence showed his ugly face again. Like it had waited for me to be happy so it could drag me back into the darkness where I belong.

Hearing later that I attacked J.T. shocked me to my core. I had never thought I would really hurt my friend but I had. Which meat Catherine wasn't safe either. It was like a wrecking ball to all my plans. I had to cancel our weekend and confessed that maybe I was the murder she searched for. She didn't believed a second that I did it, but I wasn't so sure. I had no memory and if I were in Beast mode, anything could have happened. After an hour of waiting, it turned out that the blood doesn't matched. Thank God, I didn't think I could've handled any more blood on my hands. The Faces of my victims were haunting me any way. I wanted to be good. Good for her, I wanted to deserve her.

And so I helped her when she needed me, even when it's about that British Bastard. That one Person I despised so much, the Guy that kissed my girl before I haven't had a chance or the gut to. I really didn't't like that she is so attached to him but that's not something I could change. He is her Friend and he is important to her, so I swallowed down my manly pride and followed her down in the veins of this City. While we made our way through the dirty Tunnels I tried to focus, so maybe I could just scare that psycho off or have enough control to just wound him, if this gets ugly. I attempt to explain it to Cat when the first wave of nausea hits me. Oh no please. My vision gets foggy. Not now. I tell her, warn her but she doesn't want to take the gun. But she needs it. I beg her to take it. I hope she shoots me, please I don't want to hurt anyone or even worse, you. My last coherent thoughts before it gets dark, are about her. Run, please run Catherine...

 _ **Catherine :** Look, Vincent was my only hope of saving Evan. So I took a chance._

 _ **J.T. :** You may have saved Evan, but you didn't think about the Price that Vincent would pay._

Catherine:

I had waited a few days. Got myself back together. When I got the call from J.T., saying he was home and safe I felt unbelievable Relief. A few minutes prior I had been in the full blow of a panic attack. After his Call I tried to go back to normal, tried to cover him and Vincent while also keeping a close look on Evan. But than I couldn't take it any more. I needed to thank him, needed to see with my own eyes that he was alright. Tell him that I missed him. I was hopeful on my way over, but the look in J.T.'s face was like an ice bucket. Something was wrong, very wrong. He asked why I didn't shoot and I tried to explain. But he looked at me so angry and disappointed it made my skin crawl. Something horrifying had happened, but nothing could have prepared me for the moment he walked over and opened that old elevator.

In my whole life I will never forget the sight of Vincent in that made up Cage. He looked crushed, ashamed, so tired. Back was the self hatred. And then I realized that I had done this to him. I let that happen because of my fear for Evan. I could have prevented this, but I hadn't stopped him when I had to, when he needed me to. I fully knew what would happen and put Evans life before Vincent. I had a second to make a decision and I chose wrong. I had betrayed his trust. I had saved my Friend but J.T. was right, I hadn't thought a second about its price. And now Vincent was paying for it in the most horrible way. Locking himself up like the animal he had always thought he was. How long had he been in there? It looked like the Life had been sucked out of his eyes, hopelessness came in waves from him. He took the whole blame for this, without a single thought. And it looked, like was ready to live the rest of his life behind that bares, just to save us all from the danger he held within.

I stepped closer, desperately wanting to touch him, to make it right, but it was hard for him to even look at me. He told me I shouldn't be here, his voice barely more than a whisper. I know he don't wanted me to see him like this. But maybe I had needed this because now I understood. He wasn't living like that just because of Muirfield, he was because of the Danger of himself. He looked like a shell of the Man I almost kissed yesterday. I had to hold back my tears, they wouldn't help now. I wanted to get him out but then J.T. told me about the trigger. They thought it was me. I was the key to his black outs, he told me. And J.T. showed me with one look that in his eyes I was also responsible for this. And I knew he was right. How cruel could fate be? I had hoped to bring happiness in his life, maybe even Love. In reality I was the reason for his misery.

I couldn't take it. The accusing look on J.T.s face, the sight of Vincent in this Cage and the terrible Guilt that burned my insides and crushed my heart.

 _ **At the same time...**_

 _J.T._

I was so angry at her. She really didn't understand what she had done to him. What he sacrificed for her, again. With every Death on his hands he lost himself a little bit more, hated himself a little bit more. I have seen Vincent in this State of mind before, had found him furiously scrubbing his hands raw from blood that was long washed away. Had seen him cry when he lost the rest of his family without a chance of going to their funerals. Had witnessed his brightest and lowest moments, in which the second have become more and more. Over the years he had become quieter and more closed up. I knew he had lost hope of the Antidote, of a chance to get back a normal life. I couldn't accept that. Since he was a child Vincent always put himself behind. Took care of everyone and rescued every crippled animal. It made always sense for him to become a Doc, where he could help people. And then came 9/11 and I until then, I had never seen someone so desperate as him. When he vanished I first thought he had killed himself. But than came his first Letter and they didn't stop till he stood in front of my door, scared to death, that haunted look in his eyes and with nothing but the cloth on his body. That was ten years ago and I protected him ever since. I would do anything for him and i know that the way i have to live because of Vincent is just another reason for him to hate himself. But I would never hold this against him, it was my decision to make. I would do what is needed to keep him safe and if that means containment to protect the people and me, than i would take control. As his friend I will also protect him from himself.

Years I had watched him become more and more like a ghost. Depressed and lonely.

I had never seen him really smile again, not until that first night he met her again. I pointed out the danger. I knew where this was heading long before he realised his feelings himself. How he looked at her, the way he talked about her and how he worked so hard for her acceptance. He was overlooking so many risks, throwing almost every rule out of the window for just a smile of her. For the tiny chance of something more with her. It wasn't that i didn't liked her, this was never my intention. No one deserves happiness more than him. But she never truly understood the power she held over him. That he would do anything for her, even kill and at the same time losing his own soul a little more. She never saw that until today when I showed her the aftermath of her decisions...


	8. Chapter 8 Trapped

**Hey Guys, here are my thought on episode 8 hope you'll enjoy! I have so much Fun writing this I think, I am an official beasty now :-) Besides where was my shirtless opener? Oh and also turns out, its very hard to do any research without spoilering myself to death but I deal with it! No googling for me any more... So have Fun!**

 _ **Catherine :**_ _Wait, you're inducing another blackout?_

 _ **Vincent :**_ _If it has the same effect as last time, it may be the only way we get to know more about your mom. Don't you want to know?_

Catherine :

They both were clearly upset. The worst thing was that I couldn't remember why I hadn't told them, probably because it had sounded so made up. At the time I had honestly thought they lied. That Muirfield would do anything to make me see the Monster they thought they created. It would never work, not after I got to know that sweet Guy, who would always help despite the Danger for himself. When they tried to use my mother as kind of bait, i was sure it was their last straw to convince me. But the way Vincent and J.T. were looking at me made me realize that they were absolutely sure of my mothers involvement. And as a result they both thought I had purposely hold Information about her back. I didn't. I had promised that I would always be honest. They had made it clear that there was a "No secrets and lies" Policy. And especially Vincent, he needed my trust but overall I had the feeling he needed to feel safe with me, both of them. It felt like us against the world now.

They told me about the returning memories. It was really confusing without the medical knowledge that they bot had. But i understood quickly what he had to do to regain those memories. I couldn't believe that Vincent was going into that cage again, I hadn't really overcome the nightmares of seeing him in there the first time. As Vincent closed the lock on the chain while telling J.T. that he needed more i was beginning to get worried. But they both were hoping, hunting for answers. It seemed like they thought they had found a fresh trace and they would use it, no matter what. J.T. injected something and after a few seconds Vincent slid to the floor, head rolling on his shoulders and mumbling inaudible. It was hard to watch him, like he shouldn't do this alone. I asked J.T. to open so I could at least hold his hand. It seemed to go on forever.

When he seemed to finally get out of this haze I couldn't hold myself back any more. I snatched the key from J.T. and got into that cage despite his crude warnings. I just needed to get to Vincent. His breathing was harsh and his eyes slightly unfocused, but when I touched his arm and called his name, he slowly came back to me, to now. I helped him up and his unsteadiness showed me how much of an effect this experiments really had on his body. But as always, he didn't let anything show ad just asked for water. He hastily took a sip before he told us what he saw. His first Words were that it wasn't me. I wasn't the Trigger. A wave of joy ran through both of us. Vincent told us that my Mom had talked to him in the camp, about side effects and black outs. I couldn't believe that the woman I looked up to all my life did this to innocent people. But for him none of this mattered. For Vincent all that counts was that we didn't have to stay away from another. It felt like a whole universe of opportunities had just opened up ad he looked at me like I was the sun in that said universe.

But the Actions of my mother still weighted heavenly on me and I would do anything in my my power to make this right.

 _ **J.T. :** Ah come again?_

 _ **Vincent:** I'm not gonna spend my life in and out of a cage, waiting for a lab rat to tell me to get out..._

Vincent:

Time. He said he needed just a little more time for test and results. But I felt like I didn't had that time. If I had to go in that cage on more time I would break... or go insane. Couldn't they see it? The way my hands are shaking when I had to get in there. Never in all my life I had felt so little control over my life, my feelings and my episodes. And sitting in that fucking old elevator didn't help. I felt like it had made my condition worse. I already had hurt J.T. again, he said it was just a scratch but what would happen next time? Would I kill one of them? This couldn't go on. So I took back control and rammed that needle into my arm. Cat went almost nuts, but they needed to understand that I couldn't take it any more. I just couldn't. I had thought I was strong enough but behind those bars my mind had gone to some dark places. I had nearly lost it. Never again I told myself, but it didn't seemed to matter cause obviously in my rage not even this could held me locked up. So I put all on one card, it was this serum or nothing. And if it truly didn't work I would quietly find a way to end this miserable existence. Giving J.T. finally his Life back. And kiss Catherine goodbye. I couldn't die without knowing how her lips would feel on mine.

Oh good, I hope this stuff works...

Cat had to go back to work but J.T. didn't let me out of his eyesight. After three hours of anxious waiting he started the first round of tests. Blood pressure, reflexes, ECG and brainwaves, the whole package. All with good results. Then he ordered me to work out and after I completely powered myself out he started test round two. Same in the evening we did it for a third time, just to be sure. I had started to feel calmer over the day, more relaxed that I had been in weeks. The humming through my muscles had slowly subsided. I knew it had worked before he said one word. He just smiled, hugged me and I felt all this pent up tension from the last weeks leave his body. I realized how much of a burden this had been for him too. Never even feeling safe in your own home. But J.T. only took my jacket, throwing it at me. It's seems over Vincent, he said, so go to your girl.

I finally found her on the cemetery, quietly talking to her mothers gravestone. She told her about her fathers wedding and spoke out what weighted so heavily on her. I felt like an intruder to this very personal moment but I also couldn't bring myself to walk away from her. So I waited. After she was finished she came to me, knowing that with my abilities I heard every word.

Her Joy for me, for the working serum made me happy. Like finally something good had happend to me and I even had someone to share it with. She would never understand how much that little things meant to me. But I reminded her that even when I didn't had any more black outs it still wouldn't make any difference. I would most likely have to live forever with this dangerous beast inside me, I just maybe had more control over it. She just dismissed it like it wasn't important to her maybe cause she still felt guilty for the wrongdoings of her mother. I didn't know. So I tried to let her see the side of her mother that I had get to know. The one Person that didn't saw us as animals, who had tried to help us. And I told her in honest, that I wouldn't change a bit of my history because it lead me to her. And even if she didn't understand it, for me it was worth all the pain that I had endured because, in that crisp air I realized I could let that all go. I couldn't change it so I tried to live in the here and now. And right now, I could lay my arm around that gorgeous woman next to me and take a walk with her through the silent winter night, like any other normal Man. And I would savored every single moment of it.


	9. Chapter 9 Bridesmaid up

**Okay so I wrote that after I had cleaned away the puddle of goo I had become during that wedding dance scene... So sweet. And the cliffie was seriously mean! Hope you enjoy!**

 _ **Catherine :** No, I'm going to get out of it, I'm going to tell the at the rehearsal dinner tonight. Which I have to get ready for!_

Catherine :

I had stopped being startled finding him there when I came in my room. I told him I needed to get going and we talked about the case while I changed my clothes next door. For a second I fantasised about stepping out in my underwear but dismissed the thought immediately. We hadn't even kissed yet and sometimes I wondered a little if we would any time soon. There were times when he looked at me so intense but he then he would withdraw again and quickly change the subject. I didn't think he did this on purpose but it held me in permanent a state of wanting. On his terms I told myself again, always on his terms. He got us back to the wedding topic and said maybe I didn't have to go alone.

When I got back into my room I talk about this Matchmaker woman and he told me about his chance of escorting me. He not only wanted to do me a favour, no he was really giddy about a night out, out of his prison. One night of normality. He was so full with excitement, talking about that silly stories we made up this morning. It was so tempting, leaving our troubles behind, plus the thought of seeing him in a Suit was very tempting. It would be amazing to go with him, but right now I couldn't tell him that. I had to be the responsible one because clearly, he wasn't. Vincent talked about how he felt better and I was thrilled for him but didn't he saw that this didn't changed our overall conditions? He was still officially dead and I have no idea what people my Dad and his bride had invited. There were just too many unknown obstacles and as hard as it was, I had to protect him. I told him no, as gently as I could, tried to explain my reasons but Vincent looked heartbroken, his sad eyes almost got me to giving in.

When I stop at the warehouse later, breaking the news about the case and this stupid matchmaker service, I saw the jealousy in his eyes. If he can't go with me than no other guy should, they say. I tried to explain that this is about the case but I don't think it matters to him. He only saw me going out with another Man who's not him, a picture that he clearly didn't like. So he suggested another Possibility, taking me by surprise. Going with J.T. was not really on my wish list but I understood why this was so important for him. His fear of losing me to someone else is real and I had to accept that. And he knows for sure that his best friend would never make a move an me so it's harmless. And I wanted him to feel sure of my affection for him...

 _ **Vincent :** Her ideal date is dinner on a roof top or hanging out on a fire escape_

 _ **J.T. :** What are you talking about?_

 _ **Vincent :**_ _This is about me..._

Vincent:

When I studied the sheet of paper with her ideas for Dates and relationships, with her imaginations of her perfect partner I recognized myself in every Line and every word. She was describing me. I felt a huge smile cover my face. Could that be happening? I couldn't let that go without acting on it in some kind of way, I needed to do something right now. I wanted to see her but remembered she would probably been busy with getting ready for the wedding. And so I made a decision. I shouted for J.T., changing the plan while making my way under the shower.

My full length mirror had some cracks but I saw just enough of myself to rearrange my tie a dozenth times. My shaking Hands were not helping with the task. It was also obvious that I was in desperate need of a haircut but I didn't had time for that now, so I tried to comb it back a little, hoping that would do. I shaved a bit and snatched some of J.T. cologne. With one last look I turned around, finding my friend standing next to the door. I want to ask him how I look but I don't know if I would like the answer. The suit wasn't the best fitting cause of the muscles I gained over the time. The tie wasn't perfect either and i tried not to think about my face. I hope she doesn't notice the flaws, just saw the effort. When I took a last deep breath, J.T. grabbed my shoulder, telling me that I look great and that I should stop worrying. I think that's what friends are for when I leave the warehouse.

To find her in that full room is easy because she is the most beautiful woman in there. I make a mental note to tell her that tonight. She is in deep conversation what gives me the time to watch her for a moment, my eyes are drawn to her naked shoulder. When she finally spots me her heart rate speeds up and it's like music in my ears. For a moment i just stand there, unsure if I should step inside. I see all this dressed up people, it smells like money in the room while i washed blood off my hands just a few days ago. A flash of panic struck me not just of being recognized but of so many people starring on my scarred face, seeing the lousy Guy behind the mask. But the joy in her face helps and reduces the whole party to just the two of us. Slowly we make our way on the dance floor and than I'm finally holding her, my hands on the small of her back and her arms around my neck. It's the best dance of my life, the way she leans on my shoulder or the way her breath washes over the side of my neck. I don't know how long we swayed to the soft music but after some time she looks up and starts to lead me outside. I don't want to hide outside, I want to sit next to her on a table, eat and maybe dance some more before saying congratulations to her Father and make our way home. But she declines and tells me about her confession. For me there is no reason to not go back inside but she wants to stay outside. I have to be honest, its not the best feeling in the world. Like, I could have some time with this woman in the open, but she won't let me. Maybe she likes it this way, me being her Secret? My paranoia is getting stupidly high with my anxieties following behind. But just with a few words she wash my doubts away, telling me she feels like there is someone in her life and she just didn't want to share. I agree and whisper that this is not fake. For me it was always real. To lighten the mood I express my hunger and she quickly makes her way inside to steal some food for us.

Her heart beats ecstatic when she comes back and this time, it sadly has nothing to do with me. She tells me about Evans research and at first I try to deny it. I feel so good at the moment and this night is so perfect. But what she says is rational and believable. And I hate it. This should be our night but all we got were an hour of peace before troubles are knocking on the door again. I try to wrap my head around this new information, the prospect of loosing more and more of my humanity, of myself. My chances with this beautiful Girl were always thin, but having her watch me turning into a Thing between man and monster who's only communications are howls and growls would probably the last straw for her to run. Its like my worst nightmare coming alive and while she is still talking I try to imagine our future if this goes on. There will be no future, I realize. And the first frightening thought that comes to my mind is the cage. I will probably, at some time in the future have to go back into this cage when i can't control myself anymore. No, never again. I can't breathe and panic starts to creep up my neck. My hands starts shaking and I could be beginning to change in a few Minutes if I don't get it under control. Not the best place here so I do the only thing possible, I say a quick goodbye and go. But even in my haste i notice that she didn't say a word to stop me, she not even asks if I'm okay. Nothing... so much for accepting all of me.

I don't go straight home. I stay in the woods near the estate, making sure she comes home safe, i tell myself. Catherine tries to call me but I'm just not ready to talk to her. I still wrap my mind around the Mutation and the desperate wish to hold on to myself, to not drown in this beastly rage and one day maybe never coming out of it. I started to run when I heard that shots. Calling her name I speed up. Faster Vincent, I tell myself while I break through the tree line. Seeing the crushed cars makes my blood run cold. I'm finding her, still in her car, bleeding from a shot wound. I can't open the Door, I have to get her out. She saying my name while slowly losing consciousness . I feel the change happen, induced by adrenaline and the fear of loosing her. As gently as my claws let me, i peel her out of the totally ruined car. My thoughts are getting unclear, I realize I can't help her cause the doctor I was is taken over by the monster I am. Helpless I hold her close, whispering her name, trying to form intelligent thoughts but it doesn't work. My awareness is slowly replaced by instincts. And so I growl at the upcoming car before realizing who's driving it. Him, always him. My Instincts are telling me to fight him or to run but none of that is going to help the woman in my arms. Despite my fear of loosing her I gently place her on the street and retreat into the dark. Even the beast in me realized there wasn't another chance. But that doesn't makes it feel better, leaving her side, knowing he will help her when I can't.


	10. Chapter 10 Seeing red

**Okay, be prepared for the longest piece I've written for this Show. Also i added a few lines here a there in the previous chapters through learning more about this characters. Hope you enjoy...**

 **ps who is this Alex chick and can she please go away? like now ? :-)**

 _ **Vincent:** I couldn't get... couldn't get back to being me and Evan pulled up so I had to make a choice. He was your best Option._

Vincent:

And there would be a day when she realized that Evan was indeed the better Option. I knew that for sure. But I was selfish and would be by her side for as long she would let me and in every possible way. The future wasn't going to change for me, with the mutations in mind it would only get worse and someday she would recognize the obvious differences between us and than she will take the opportunity. The opportunity of more. Moving in together, going out, getting married or having children. That were just a few things that someone like Evan could offer her but you just can't marry someone with a death certificate. I would have laid the world at her feet, but the obstacles were against me. Last night I couldn't even follow the ambulance because I couldn't get out of my beastly state. I had been a wreck when I finally made it home. Had spent the night worried sick, running in circles at the warehouse and with J.T. stopping me more than just once from coming to the hospital. The last time I had felt so unbelievable hopeless, I had witnessed the death of my brothers live on TV. Like then, I couldn't do a thing other than just standing on the side watching someone else try rescuing my loved ones.

Carefully I took her small hand and laced her fingers with mine. My hand was so much bigger, I thought while trying not to consider about how I had almost lost her last night. I didn't know if I could go back to a world without her. She said she accepted me, all of me and no matter if that was the truth, after her recovery I would be with her, I promised myself. No more fear and no more doubts, we both felt something for another and even in my position life was to short to let this slip away. It was like a wake up call. The way she had looked at me yesterday when we danced made me brave. Her eyes had seen me, the real me. No matter if it worked or for how long I could be with her until my life would go upside down again, but this was worth it. Even if I would never be enough for her, I would do anything I could to make her happy.

Time was running and I knew I couldn't stay in the Hospital. I had to go back to my hiding hole and wait for the night, through I wished for nothing more than to be at her side and ease her pain. Or to just keep her company but I couldn't even do that. A vibration informed us that said better option was on his way up to her. With a heavy heart I withdraw my Hand, instantly missing her warmth. I said goodbye to her and after putting my mask back on, I slipped out of her door. Not 10 seconds outside I saw Evan on his way, walking confident while carrying a bouquet of flowers. Flowers! Damn, I should have thought about that. I had been so distracted, sneaking in here at daylight. Just what I needed, another reminder that I was the second better choice. We passed each other and for me it felt like the Monster retreated for the Hero. While I was mentally beating myself up, I pulled the mask down and got on to the stairs. Shock pumped through me when I heard my name called. My full name, loud and clear. As I ran out of that building I knew, I would recognize that voice everywhere.

 _ **Alex :** It's okay, its okay Vince told me everything, obviously that's what you do when your somebody's handler._

Catherine :

My head is spinning. Excuse me what? His Handler? And what happened to never telling any one? I had spent weeks of conversations for little pieces of information and he tells her everything in the blink of an eye? And don't let me start on 'Vince'. Maybe my pain meds making me hallucinate? That would be a good explanation right now. She is bursting with happiness while I try to figure out what is happening. Why did he lie about me, about us? And as I sit here on the couch next to this woman from Vincent's past, with jealousy cursing through my veins, I try my best to dislike her. But I can't. She is beautiful, sweet and one of this sunshine persons. You know, the ones that brings the sun with them while entering a room. Maybe a little naive. And she talks, like without pause, what's good because I wouldn't have any idea of what to say to her. She tells me about the burglary and I try to handle it professional. It helps keeping my emotions and my pain in check, but since I know a bit of their history and that Vincent was with her last night, the lines are getting blurry. Is the pain from my wound or from my heart? It feels the same to me. Even a blind man could see her love for him and after all, it seems like Vincent also has still feelings for her. Alex's offers me a coffee and I take the time to look around her apartment. Not that there is really something suspicious.

I look through handbags and luggage till I have a small box in my hands. Always the cop I take a peak inside. My heart stops. Letters, so many letters with written words of adoration and love. And the Word Wedding. Pictures of a carefree Vincent, his face young and unharmed, smiling at the Camera. Or even better, looking at her with love shining in his eyes. I feel nauseous, like I'm intruding this perfect history. I have never seen him like that, so untroubled. The Vincent that I know is quiet, brooding, unbelievable shy and carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. And if that moment isn't bad enough I hear Alex's front door open and close and his voice sounds through the rooms. I put all the stuff away and try to get my composure back. Putting my best hard cop face on, I look straight at him when he enters the room. A handler I ask him? For a moment I let him see the hurt in my eyes but I'm not going to cry, not here. When Alex is coming I tell them with an robotic voice what I found out, that she is probably a target and that he should stay with her, obvious cause its where he belong I add in my head. He stands helpless there in that little wardrobe room. So I give him my cup and leave the the apartment without another look at Vincent. Time to go home where I can bury my feelings in private.

But I'm a good cop so I find out who's after her, and go through with that stupid plan she makes. And now, with no sight and pain running through my entire body, I run through the dark tunnels of the hospital, trying to prevent Vincent from going ballistic again. Oh and by the way trying to safe his Friend? Girlfriend? Ex-fiancé? I hear some shooting and increase my step. I hope we can safe his... I have no idea and it doesn't matter any way because when the lights flip back on and I get through the door next to me, I see her. She is safe, wrapped in his arms while they kiss. When he looks up I shortly think it's because he had heard my heart breaking. But I know, he would see it anyway without any proof of sound. I step back, letting them have their privacy. To go back home where I can drown this day in Vodka and bury my heart next to my feelings...

 **Catherine :** _Well I guess I... I wanted to know him._

 _ **Vincent :** Hey that guy isn't completely gone okay._

 _ **Catherine:** Not when you're with her._

Vincent:

Yeah it would have been better, easier. The former Vincent would have gone to her birthday party, kissing the Girl in the photo booth instead of hiding on the fire escape watching another man do it. But I wasn't that person any more. Unfortunately, I WAS the guy on the fire escape but she was the girl standing there with me. But unlike the other times she was closed up, holding her arms around her like she was trying to hold herself together. Seeing Alex kiss me had obviously hurt her, I know but how I should tell her that I hadn't wanted that either. I wanted her to kiss me, wanted to explore this with her, but as ever I didn't know how to say it, the words just jumped around in my head with nothing coming out of my mouth. So she did most of the talking but didn't like the direction she was going with her words. Yeah, we were both in a bad condition when we met, but I always thought that had helped us finding each other. Making us equal while we got to know each other. It wasn't just good it was the best thing that happend to me since years. But obviously she thinks different about it. It feels more like she is ending this, what ever we were. Like she would back out on us. Had something made her realize that this had no future. Was it the mutations? Alex? Pure self protection? Nothing had ever happened between us and maybe it was never her intention. She had just helped the poor guy on the run, without any romantic intentions. Could I have been that wrong?

Maybe I was just to damaged for her, had to much baggage. It's not that I was dating material, a killing machine with a target on his back. Honestly, I wouldn't want me too. She had always a thing for the tough man, I had seen a few of them come and go over the years. And I remembered her Words, wishing I was a normal guy. I asked her about it and she declines but it doesn't sound so convincing. I was far from normal, possible that she finally understood that. She told me that she forget how to be close to somebody as if I couldn't understand that. Didn't she see that we were in the same place? I certainly had no idea how to interact or talk with other people or how to be with somebody, she was the perfect example for that. We had risked too much to loose this now. But none of my words made her realize that. And than she asked me about Alex.

Alex feelings for me were crystal clear. She knew it, I knew it. It had always been that way. She was the only girl in our group of friends, when we grew up and we had liked each other since 3rd grade. Made our graduation together, got to prom together. She was my first Kiss, first Girlfriend, first for everything. The only Girl I ever was with. I had thought I loved her. But looking back it was never anything like what I felt for Catherine. To fall for Alex had been easy, safe. Building this sheltered life together. Catherine on the other hand had been like a all consuming drug, a roller coaster full of ups and downs. I had never felt that with a woman before. To compare the two women and my feelings for them was like comparing Water to a rich, red wine. And Catherine, she knew me, had seen me in my ugliest Moments. Had accepted me completely, even with the Beast. Alex would probably run. And what I had done to Alex could never be forgiven, but how do you fix the pain and grief of 10 Years? I would never forgive myself for being the reason for her misery but that didn't change the things I feel.

I couldn't make Catherine understand, she didn't let me. She insisted on my feelings for Alex, our history and the knowing that Alex would do anything for me. She is a good person, maybe she thought she was giving me back my old life. But for me it felt like she pushed me away, not just away but in the arms of another woman. My stupid mind just couldn't find the right words. I had jumped, had chosen her but she gave up on me, letting me fall. Defeated, I gave in and left her alone.


	11. Chapter 11 On thin ice

_**Hey guys, as always thanks for the praise that really is so sweet. And for something I decided to do just for me at first. Seems like I wasn't the only one who needed more of the two of them. So this Alex is still there and she still annoys the F. out of me. Hope I didn't got to biased. Hope you enjoy...**_

 _ **Ps how come that this former short stories are getting longer and longer? ;-)**_

 _ **Vincent :** Is this what you wanted to show me?_

 _ **Alex :** No this is._

Vincent:

I have to buy her a new frame was the first straight thought that came to my mind after several minutes that I just kept staring at her. And at the skin, so much uncovered skin. It was like my body and mind head just stopped working. Somewhere in that minutes Alex had left the room, probably disturbed by my Shut down. I hear her opening drawers in her bedroom, getting dressed again and started searching for a broom and dustpan to scoop the shards. While trying to get all that soft skin out of my head. She is still not out of her bedroom when I'm done so I wrote her a note and left. I know it's not the finest move but I wasn't in the state to talk about that mortifying moment with her. I stayed on her roof for a couple hours. I had no Idea what to do, how to explain this mortifying situation. Breathing in the fresh air, while trying to decide if I'm just super in control, because with the adrenaline rush I just had, my beast should at least made a little entrance, but it didn't. Or if I'm the most pathetic guy ever, standing in front of a beautiful and naked women doing nothing but freeze in fear. It's not that I don't wanted to, I did. But also didn't. I don't know it just had felt wrong. I just had met her again. I had came to her to tell her that I couldn't be with her, couldn't see her. But she had somehow made me loose my focus. Maybe the Vincent she once knew would have kissed her before leading her to her bedroom. But I'm not that Person any more, hadn't been in a long time. When I was sure that my mask was back in place I slowly made my way home.

When he got home I had a very strange conversation with J.T., who just couldn't see the opportunity. If I would be with Alex without her knowing, we could run off, hide somewhere at the end of the world where we both could work and stay safe. Catherine and J.T. could get there Life's back, he could be with Sarah... starting a with her. But before we could talk more about this, said Woman stood in our door.

Later that evening I came back to Alex. She was embarrassed and tried to explain it to me, about how she felt it would feel like before and I tried again to tell her that I am changed but as always she only hears what she wants to hear. That was always a flaw of her. To end this nowhere going conversation I asked her about the stealing Catherine saw. She was immediately honest with me, first telling and later showing me the underground hospital. She could never hold a secret from me. I'm uncomfortable with so many Strangers around, these are situations that I usually avoid. It starts with some questions or to hold hear and there and an hour later I'm examine a boys arm. It felt amazing to work again and I know Alex could see it in my face. The way Alex looks at me, so proud and loving reminds me of better times. She had planned this for sure. I had let myself enjoy this hours of practising, knowing that this would never really be an option. What if any one would recognize me or somebody talked to the wrong people about it, than I would have to run again. But she is not getting it, doesn't understand the need of me being invisible. She didn't wanted the evening to end and because it felt good to walk down the memory lane I followed her. I wanted, no needed to tell her to put the photos away, preferably burn them but somehow I couldn't. We talked about the old times, laughed and just each others company. I let her dream of running away with me, starting new somewhere else knowing it wouldn't work.

Until we were standing in front of that closed Ice rank. I somehow had a bad feeling in my gut, I knew this was a bad idea but it just felt too good right now, being so carefree, recreating that life that I couldn't ever have again. Just dreaming about it and having fun with her felt like being myself again. Safe again. Maybe it would work. Maybe there was a chance. With Alex, like this, it could be so easy, she didn't walked on eggshells around me, didn't behaved careful. I was aware of the Reason, she didn't knew all of it, didn't knew the ugly truth of what her former Hero had become. And I was too afraid to tell her, I wanted to be Vinnie Keller again just for a little bit more. Until the police guy showed up and demanded a name. A name I couldn't give him without signing my death certificate, this time for real. Panic flooded my body. I had dreamed to long and would pay for it now. How could I've been so stupid. I begged him for a phone call but with every second that he threatened to arrest me, I got one step closer to the edge. And then hell would break lose...

 _ **Catherine:** Vincent?_

 _ **Vincent:** Look, I need your help. I think I'm getting arrested._

Catherine:

Oh no, what did they do? Immediately my pulse rate sped up, fear for him closed up my throat. I had to get there now, so I made another lame excuse to Tess and got going. I saw the annoyance and the suspicious look in her eyes, it wouldn't be long until she were pinning me down for answers. It hurt to lie to her, she was one of my best friends and with every day, every lie, I could see the trust she had in me dying a little more. I should start thinking about what I would say to her, because I just couldn't tell her the truth. She was a Cop to the bone, she would never understand. Sitting in my car, driving to the address Vincent had giving me I started to think on a story I could bring to get him out of there. Of all the possibilities the CI thing was the most believable and would leave the fewest traces. So I steeled myself for it, my boiling anger helping me to get in the mood. How could they've been so careless and dumb. Had Vincent forgotten all the rules that held him hidden, protected him? Rules he had made himself. Hitting the breaks I saw them, Alex at the verge of crying while the cop was about to arrest him. As fast as I could while walking confident and strong I yelled at the poor officer. One look at Vincent showed me that this was last minute, he was agitated and his fists were opening and closing repeatedly. I had noticed that it was a coping method for him, a way to calm himself when he felt the beginning of a transformation. The Officer really wanted to mess with me, asking for my badge number. If he would run it, we all were fucked. I threatened him with ruin his career hoping it would work and that he didn't saw my shaking hands.

I tried to stay calm when he finally took of so he didn't got suspicious. But when he sat in his car I turned around, wanting nothing more to get away from here, from this moment and also from Vincent. But he followed me, thanked me and that was the point when I couldn't take it any more. All of the pent up anger flooded out of me, I wanted to make him understand how he brought us all in jeopardy. This wasn't about Alex, no it was about him. How he almost got himself caught for some little fun time with her. Hadn't he thought a minute about J.T., about me? I could've lost my job, my whole career a few minutes ago, didn't he understand? And if he wanted being reckless than okay, but without me. This Danger that we lived in wouldn't disappear. It would always be there, if he was himself or got lost in his old life, trying to play his former self. I wouldn't protect him if he didn't protected himself.

 _ **Catherine :** I can't compete with the life you had with Alex, but I don't want to give up on us before we even begun. I want to be with you Vincent. And I'm willing to fight for you, I..._

 _ **Vincent: I**... I don't know if my choice is so clear..._

Catherine:

I couldn't believe it. Here I sat, opening my heart to him, openly saying that I wanted to be with him. Something I had never done before, never had felt the way about someone before. And he couldn't decide. Couldn't decide for a life with me, me who knew him, all of him, who willingly would take all the risks that came with him. Just to be with him. Not the guy he used to be, him. And he honestly was considering to build up a life on Lies with her, fully knowing how he would always have to hide again. He lied to himself, if he thought that this could work. Somehow he would have to tell her or maybe, in a wrong situation, she would even see it herself. And than she would run. We both knew how to read people, to predict their reactions. No one of us said it out loud but I think we both knew that she would never stay with him if she knew the truth. He said he felt like himself again. If he felt that with her what did he feel with me? I had never seen him as the monster he always saw in himself, had never feared him. How he couldn't see the love in my eyes, the love for him was beyond me. I had taken it all, had protected him and somehow it still wasn't enough.

This morning I had lain in my bed, thinking about what had happened in the night and without all the anger I had understood. Had understood how he desperately wanted a new life without the constant threats, the self doubt and the reminder of what he was. I didn't felt guilty about my outburst last night, I had been right. But I also understood him. Saw his deep wish to be normal, to be accepted. What he didn't saw was that she just loved the thought of him, the memory of what they used to be. And he needed to make her understand that this time would never return. That he lived a different, complicated life now. That he always was in danger of getting hunted, killed. Maybe she wouldn't run but until he didn't told her the truth, all of it, this what they had and planned for would always be just a beautiful dream. But that was not my decision to make, not my story to tell. He had to do it.

When I came home I did something I hadn't done for the last few month. I closed my window. And with that I closed also the door to my heart. I had given him the key to it, it was his decision to use it or to throw it away. And only time would tell...


	12. Chapter 12 Cold turkey

**Oh my god, I can't believe that she really closed that window. In my Head I always thought it would be the perfect metaphor but to see that they really did it that way... As always I'm so blown away by your nice words. This time I hope I catch Cat's frustration, her anger. Hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing it...**

 _ **Vincent:** Hey._

 _ **Catherine :** If you're auditioning for jogging buddy's, I don't want the part._

Catherine:

Great, not only saw Alex me on my worst moment, watching crap TV and eating ice cream while looking like I'm homeless, no, now he surprises me while my nose is running from coldness and I'm totally sweaty and a little hung over. He tries to apologizes for her showing up at my door. Yeah, I so not needed that awkward moment when she reminded me of their engagement and their history. As I could've forget that. Maybe she wanted to mark her Property. We talk about this insane love trip idea. Logicically, he should have just told her no, that it was far to dangerous, but he surprises me again, he really is really thinking about going up there. I can't believe it. He states it's not going to be romantic, that they just want to talk and catch up. Maybe he should tell her that too because the way she looked and talked she clearly wants to continue where they have left of. Means playing soon to be man and wife. And after that, he has the nerve to say, he don't wants to hurt me. Like he didn't know he already did. I'm not in the mood for this kind of conversation, it's far to early. By the way what is he doing here in the bright daylight?

He notices I'm mad. No, really? Wasn't I subtle enough about that? How did he thought I would react after my confession yesterday? I had told him that I want to be with him and he clearly chose her or the future that he may could have with her over me. Underneath all his baggage I realise, he still is just like any other guy. They just don't get it. He sees the possibility of a future while I see a car running a 100mpH without functioning breaks. This is going to end in a disaster, I just feel it in my gut. I'm cold, hurt and maybe jealous, okay more than a little jealous and so I say something I didn't mean to. Not in the way it sounded. I try to tell him that, but I obviously hurt him too, I can see it in his eyes and the way he quickly builds his wall up again. We separate shortly after, upset with each other. That is not really the best way to start my day.

When I come to work the next disaster is knocking at the door. They want to raid her apartment and I knew immediately what they would find. Prints all over her place from Vincent. Panicking I try to call him and than J.T. who's telling me that there are already gone. Oh damn. I tell him what's about to happen and declines his offer to take of it, cause than I would have to cover for him instead of Vincent. I don't have to think long about what to do. I sneak in Evans Lab and get the sprays that make everything, including fingerprints and DNA, vanish before making my way over. Alex needs a new lock because getting in her apartment is way to easy. Scrubbing everything clean is done fast and then I just need to get all of this pictures and letters. He so owns me for that. As I pack them, I see a bag from an expensive lingerie shop on her bed. It is empty of course because what ever she bought is in her luggage on the way to this romantic cabin. Just talking my ass. Time is against me and fortunately I'm ready just a couple minutes before my colleagues arrive. Then I try to persuasively search though that apartment. It's not until I scoop up that damn picture I overlooked, that I see it. A bug. Almost invisible behind the ugly Buddha statue. Muirfield knows.

At the warehouse I almost beg J.T. to go and warn them, but he has to safe Vincent's DNA from going public, what's a pretty good reason for me to let him work. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. We're all trying our best to protect him, risking so much while he's going on a stupid trip. And so minutes later, I sit in my car following the direction J.T. knows because of their Engagement party. And pray that they are dressed. And that I'm not to late.

 _ **Strange Guy :** What about my truck?_

 _ **Vincent:** Forget your Truck, just get as far away from here as you can._

Vincent:

Some minutes have passed since I left the car on the street and made my way into the forest.

I immediately know it's her, silently sneaking a few foot in front of me. Her slender form almost makes no sound and her unique sent is flooding my senses. But what is she doing here? There could be Muirfield agents all around and she is wandering through the woods all by herself. She quickly turns around as she sense someone behind her, but as I disarm her, she knees me in the gut. Ouch, she clearly is stronger that she looks but as she wants to open her mouth and I try to catch my breath, I hear a noise. Not until I think it's safe, I ask her what on earth she's doing here. She tells me about the Bug. Now I am sure that it is indeed Muirfield, so I try to make her understand how dangerous this could get. But just seconds later we're arguing again, this time about the reason why I have left Alex in the Cabin. She always comes back with my Beast, like at our jogging conversation or at the wedding. I tell her how much it had hurt me to get send away like that, like a dog that she doesn't want to pet any more. She denies it but that's exactly how it had felt when she didn't stopped me from leaving. She tries to convince me again that she always saw me as a man. As a person with an issue but she thinks it's not the beast in me but the way I deal with it. Tells me it's okay if someone knows you secrets and fears. Maybe I think about that point if I make it out here alive.

The Killers from Muirfield have found us and now it's us two against three of them. Somehow it feels a lot like the night we met, when I saved her the first time from Muirfield. The forest, the night sky, the threat, it all reminds me of that night and how she, even then without knowing me never acted like she was scared of me. As we hide next to each other behind a rock, they throw a grenade at us and I can only push her away in the last second. It's the final force for my beast form and this time I let it come, let instincts take over and maul the first to shreds. I need to protect her and by her I'm not sure if my subconscious talks about Alex or Catherine. As I look up, she shoots the one next to me, which would have probably killed me a second later. The only one Agent left is trying to fight me, but without a chance. After snapping that last ones neck I try to come back, taking deep breathes. Felling my thoughts becoming clearer. It's always easier with her near, why I have no idea. She looks me over, concerned for me while I'm in awe with her braveness. She was fighting, killing for me as I did for her. No sign of Fear. She says, she doesn't want me to hide any more that I already have to. And this time I know she is right. It's not going to work.

The noise we both hear is not another agent, it is Alex. Scared to death she is hiding behind a tree, one look at her and I know without her words that she has seen it all. Time stands still while she stares at my like I'm the Monster she just saw killing those man. And I am. It feels ice cold, she never should have found it out like this. She tells me to stay away, even points a gun at me with shaking hands. This was always my worst nightmare, with her and at a time even with Catherine. That she would find out and be afraid of me even when I am me again. That she could look at me with disgust and repulsion. While I'm dying in shame under her eyes, not knowing what to do, Catherine springs into action. Reassuring her that it's over and that I am still the same guy she had known for decades. I'm thankful for her words but the damage is already done. With the truth now out, I know for sure that Alex will never look at me the same again. And then Alex speaks the words I always knew were coming someday. That she can't do this, can't be with me like that. And the bubble we created over the last days finally bursts, leaving only hard shards behind. Through I had seen it coming it doesn't eases the pain I feel.

As I tell J.T. the whole story when I'm back home, he is more then just a little concerned that Alex will tell anyone but I know her, she wont. When we talk about the raid I suddenly turn to stone, remembering how often I was there in the last time. My fingerprints. But Catherine, selfless as she is, had saved me another time. How can I ever thank her enough for that. I'm such an Idiot. I have to go to her now.

When I climb up the later of Catherine's fire escape like I did a hundred times before something has changed. For the first time since we met and got closer, her bedroom window is closed. And this simply gesture screams so loud my ears are ringing. Waiting for her to come to her room gives me time to think of what I want to tell her. Minutes pass as I sit out there in the cold night until she finally enters her bedroom. Thankfully she let me in after I knocked but informs me first thing that she has little time. When I thank her, she misunderstand me again and gives me the pictures and letters from Alex apartment, memories I really don't want any more. It's just to painful. She says it's difficult to move on and my heart starts to stutter at her words. Please don't. I don't want her to move on, I want her with me. I try to tell her that I understand it now, try to make her understand how hard it is for me to live with myself. To live with the Monster I inhabit. But in now know that this is my problem and that I need to be with someone who accepts me, all of me. And I wish her to be that someone. I know it's my fault that she feels like she is my second choice, I am so embarrassed by the way I behaved in the last days. I see, how deeply it wounded her that I went with Alex to that cabin, her mind imagine the worst things like mine did with Evan not long ago. And I deserve her cold attitude, she has every right to be upset with me, do be disappointed. But she needs to know it was never about her or Alex. Never about some kind of renewing our long over, loving relationship. Just about a potential future, something better than I face now. But through the evening I had realized that no future could ever be without the woman in front of me. I tell her that and even if she doesn't believe me, doesn't have faith in me or us now, I will tell her again and again until the day she finally believes me. I will never give up the hope for a future by her side.


	13. Chapter 13 Trust no One

**Welcome back to my work here, I am still blown away by all your sweet words. Finally Alex had said her goodbyes, so I can go back on their struggles with each other, which is way more fun! As always I hope you enjoy this as much as I am...**

 _ **Catherine :** Go down the back stairs, outside the door and around the corner._

Catherine:

Vincent maybe trusts her but I didn't and so earlier this day I had checked her credit card. Just what I had imagined. She used it to pay food. God, was she even listening? So I got some cash and one of the phones the two stashed at the warehouse. I had found her hiding place way to easy and so I called Alex and met her in my car at the middle of the night. It's the safest way for her and me, and these are things, she need to learn fast. I tried to give her another lecture about how to stay under the radar, hoping she understands this time. After we were finished, she asked me quietly how I can risk so much for him though I know what he is. I chose my answer carefully, because what I wanted to say is that he is one of the gentlest persons I have ever met and if she can't see his inner strength than she doesn't deserve him. But I don't. Instead, I tell her that he saved me, and that he wanted to protect her too, what should have been enough, but not for her. She is so blinded by his weakness that she will never see his courage. Just for a moment on my way home, I felt sorry for her, if she would had seen past the things he can't change, maybe they would have had a chance.

I dream of Vincent again that night. And my mind creates these perfect scene were he really showed up for my dinner invitation. Where we talked and laughed while our hands caressing each other over the tablecloth. I feel safe and loved and notice how the warm light reflects in his eyes as the time passes and the candles burn down. The scene shifts to our breathtaking dance at my fathers wedding and this time he leans closer, much closer and I feel his breath wash over my lips. He is going to kiss me. But in the second I feel should our lips touch for the first time the feeling vanishes, like the rest of him and I wake up, feeling sad and lonely again, like the nights before. I lay in my bed, to restless to go back to sleep and wait for the dawn.

This morning was the day I had dreaded to come the whole week. Valentines Day, a whole 24 Hours dedicated to Love. This day is hard to stand if you're single but if you just got your heart broken it becomes one of the seven circles of hell. And finding his note in my bedroom, when I not even had one drop of coffee, isn't improving my mood. But before I had a chance to read it, my sister stands in the door. She is in full Valentines-mode, perfectly matching with chocolate and a lovely red dress, talking about her dinner reservation. I love her endlessly but I was also very thankful for her departure. I just can't take this day and her hopeful spirit on top. Alone, I look at his note which only says 'roof'. No, he can wait a few minutes I tell myself while I take a few sips from my freshly brewed coffee. When I have enough caffeine in my bloodstream to think clearly I make my way upstairs. Preparing myself for the man my heart just can't let go.

With the crisp, fresh air around us, I tell him that I dealt with Alex for which he thanks me. I don't tell him what she asked me. Even if I'm beyond disappointed with him, I would never hurt him on purpose. And I knew that her words would only fuel his self loath. So I just keep quiet. He plans on giving her time which sounds like I could need too. So much happened in the last days and it drained me, emotionally and physically. Just a few days without him, to overcome this feeling of hurt, a few days in which I could build up my wall again, thicker this time. But to my surprise, he is actually asking for my plans on this evening, like especially this evening saying he don't wants to wait another year. I'm honestly doubting, I would say yes next year. Can't he see how desperately I need some air, some space. Him being everywhere I look isn't helping. So I made clear fronts and this time he gets it, I can see it in his posture. He always looks away if something hurts him, I think because he knows that his eyes are a mirror of his emotions. I try one last time to explain him my reasons and he conquers with his wanting for a better life. That it was never about Alex and that his feelings for me never changed. I heard it all before, we are running in circles, it all goes down on Trust. And that he lost mine. I readjust his focus away from me and back to Alex, she is the weak spot for us now and has to be watched.

 _ **Catherine :** Speaking of Valentines. I can't accept them, at what better way to keep your secret admirer at his toes. Trust me, it does take a lot more than roses._

Vincent:

When I saw and heard her giving over the roses to Tess I was only mildly hurt. I had seen something like that coming, even when I had hoped for a different reaction. When J.T. tried to give me directions this morning I didn't took him serious but after he left I realized, that he was out to meet his Girlfriend while I was sitting here alone. So I started the Computer and took on my friends advice, I googled. First 'romance' and than 'ways to get her back'. It was nice to discover that I wasn't the only one who needed help, it seemed to be a common problem of my overall gender. I needed a plan, I had never been in a situation like that before, mostly because I hadn't want to win a woman's heart in over 16 Years. And writing notes about meeting after school wouldn't help me this time.

When she came to the warehouse, telling me about the dead Journalist she also asks about those roses. It was obvious that the came from me and she was not impressed, not even slightly so the candy were probably a shot in the dark too. It's obvious that she doesn't care about gifts and it's making me feel stupid. What had I been thinking, that she would be falling back in my arms over those cliché presents? I needed something special, something that made her smile. And there was my problem, I had no idea how to 'woo' a woman, I felt totally overwhelmed. That she wanted me to stay home while she was protecting Alex wasn't helping me feeling more in control. So I started the PC again, hoping I would find something unique that showed her my Love.

I did and it was good, they had kindly promised to tape it for me. Her face so full of wonder was one of the sweetest things I had ever seen. I felt almost proud, I had made her smile. She was clearly uncomfortable the whole time but that didn't matter because I, Vincent had made this gorgeous Woman smile. As I was spellbound by her face, my phone started ringing. Alex's afraid voice brought me back to the ground, immediately jumping to action. I felt horrible breaking my promise to Catherine but Alex needed me. She was in this position because of me and now, when she asked desperately for help I just couldn't say no. I just hoped Catherine would understand. But all my thoughts of rescuing Alex went out the window when she threw her arms around me, when I felt that needle pierce my skin. She had betrayed me...

Catherine:

Even after our conversation at the warehouse I was aware of the damage that she had done and a few pretty words won't make them disappear. How she could do that to him, I would never understand. How she could not see that they had lied to her, used her until it was almost too late. After all we had told her she still had believed the things they said. They had manipulated her so easy into handing him over, drugging him for the promise of being healed, to become normal again. Normal. He was already feeling like a monster so could she just please stop encouraging him on that? I saw it in his eyes, he believed her, believed that he was somehow wrong, abnormal.

Seeing them say goodbye is hard to watch. She apologizes to me too but I'm just glad she finally understands the Danger she put us all in. If I had come a few minutes later to that hotel I could have lost him forever. It's scared me half to death finding him in this state, weakened by whatever she had injected him, barely strong enough to stand. He had trusted her with his life. And she really had thought I was the threat? She had even the nerve to point a gun at me while I tried to rescue her from getting killed. Because they would never let her leave alive after they got Vincent. I had learned that Muirfield never leaves witnesses behind. Carefully watching her every move I had desperately tried to make her understand what my mother had done, how they killed her and what Muirfield would do to him, if they ever get him back. That they would hurt him beyond her imagination. She couldn't grasp the thought. Didn't understand that I accept him as the man he is either. When she finally comes to her mind and lets us go, he has to go back, rescuing her again, this time from the Killers she so trusted to help her. It showed her his true character, that even after her betrayal he came back and saved her life. I think it opened her eyes.

There is one last thing I needed to do and so I sneaked my way down to destroy the last pieces of evidence what could someone lead to him. I had quickly found the cellphone and the notebook in one of the last shelves. When I had let the last traces vanish, I was caught by Tess. And this time, she was more than just upset. It felt awful to see the last threads of trust in me finally rip. She even thought about charging me but knew she had no real proof of my wrong doings. That let us left with her desperately asked question. Why? I knew, if I would have had a reasonable answer she may would have overlooked this. But there was nothing I could say for my defence. I wished so badly that I could tell her, tell her all of it but it just would've make her life as dangerous as mine. So I let her Anger and Disappointed wash over me in that dark room, tried to breath through it because I knew that his Protection was more important than all this. But that doesn't made loosing one of my best friends easier. And I knew it would stay this way, it's was unavoidable. With a new day I would need to lie to the next partner or the next friend, knowing it will never become easier. But Vincent, even when he doesn't see it himself, was worth it.

I just want a glass of wine when I come home, wine and a hot shower. Just some rest from these constant fears for life, his or mine, not to mention all this crippling emotions he stirs in me. But he is already there, standing in the door of my bedroom with his hands in his pockets. A clear sign that he is nervous, he always tries to hide his shaking hands, I noticed. He thanks me and than it's all getting a little out of hand. We talk and I'm just to exhausted to keep my wall up. As much as I tried to conceal them, he knows my feelings and it feels like he is about to force me to be honest with myself. For the first time he is taking control. All while taking step by step towards me, never taking his eyes off of me. Does he realize he's encircling me like a Panther with his prey? We're speaking about heartbeats and I make last efforts to to talk myself out of this situation while realising it is hopeless. My heart had long made a decision when my brain couldn't. And so I watched him leaning in, as his eyes slowly fell shut...

 _ **Heather :** Oh my god, I so knew it! _


	14. Chapter 14 Tough Love

**Hello my lovely readers, as always thanks for the sweet reviews. 600 readers in 10 days, I have no idea if that counts as many, but it sure feels that way. Hope you stay with me and maybe I can reach some more with my writings. By the way that was one of the sweetest on screen first kisses I've ever seen. I searched hours for the right words to describe it and I'm still not a 100% sure if I found them. Okay, enough of me, hope you enjoy reading!**

 _ **Vincent:** Hi, it sounds like I'm under dressed._

 _ **Catherine:** No, no you're perfect. Its just the three of us, it's a safe, controlled Environment._

Catherine:

I had to say I had been surprised that I had convinced him to this dinner, knowing there was the possibility of it to not end well. But what do they say, hope dies last. And maybe there was a chance it could prevent me from telling more lies. So we had orderd delicious food and prepared for a nice evening. Now there was no turning back. When he stepped inside I sent a prayer to every god I knew that this evening was going to be smooth. I knew Heather and she could be a better investigator than me if she really wanted to know something. He looked rather nervous and held the flowers with an iron grip before I reminded him to give them to her. Because of his missing jacket he couldn't hide his trembling hands. He did this for me, because it was important to me and also to show me that he could, it was clear to see. And made me love him even more. Heather gave him a look-over and was nice enough to warn him about the surly following inquisition. He told her she could start right now, words that he probably wanted to take back just a few seconds later when she started firing questions at him. I tried to help him but had no chance against my little Sister. I noticed he was telling her just enough truth to sound real and lied about the things that could bring her in danger. And the whole time I just stood next to Heather, watching them exchange and the more personal her drilling became the more often he looked at me, showing me that those sweet words were directly for me.

I was just about to offer him something to drink as it knocked on the door again, we both turned to stone. While Heather were going totally overdrive Vincent and I looked at each other, knowing this evening just turned a lot more complicated. I verbalized my discontent to her but she naturally didn't understood my concern, pointing out that the got along well. But as I looked over to our couch I directly spotted how uncomfortable Vincent was. His social skills were lacking, I had knew that all along, understood it given his circumstances. So he was acting a little awkward at first with his speech just a bit to loud. The next mistake that I discovered was the lack of synchronism in our lies. With Heather alone, we would have talked together but now we were fighting on different fronts, so errors happened. Like with his job. My increasing nervousness wasn't helping either.

The hope that dinner would be smoother was quickly buried when Darius rudely asked about Vincent's scar. We both panicked, talking completely mixed up and his catch of my glass of wine didn't go so unnoticed either. So much for acting normal. I wished for that dinner to be over, my voice started to sound like mickey mouse and I couldn't stop laughing strange. I was a wreck. We were anything but smooth but the worst was about to come. When my sister told us about that photo of us Vincent's body went instantly rigid an fear became very prominent in his eyes. When he excused himself I knew for sure where he was heading. So I tried to entrap them both into conversation. But luck wasn't on my side because Heather followed right after him with no way I could stop her. I just hoped he had been careful. As he returned announcing his departure I knew right away that something was wrong. In front of our door I softly tried to reassure him but I could see that he wasn't buying it. He had wanted to make a good impression so badly. Our obviously weird behaviour and that damn picture bothered him more that he showed me. And when our almost kiss was interrupted for the third time I believed for a second that all odds were against us. I just hoped that this night was not a step back, not again.

Next day at work I had hoped for a second that I could make things right with Tess. She didn't really looked at me and being guided in that room felt more than just strange. But no, it should only become worse. As soon as I saw Heather sitting in there with that 'we need to talk' look all over her face my pulse started racing. They both started to share there new found information with me, coming more than a little to close to the truth for my feeling and the way they were doing it really made me angry. There sounded like parents lecturing their teen daughter because she ran away with a bad boy. Like I was stupid and in a abusive relationship without realising it. I was a grown woman and a cop, for gods sake, didn't they think I could make my own decisions? That I wasn't able to look out for myself? I was trying to make it look like a misunderstanding but Heather and Tess were like bulldogs with a fresh bone. They couldn't stop biting and barking. All there accusations were so far from reality but I couldn't tell them that, couldn't talk about this kind man I felt so much for. I was defending him and they knew it. I would protect him with all my power, no matter what. When Heather realised that I wasn't backing down she implied the worst case. I was shocked over the possibility to have to choose between Vincent and my Sister. Because I knew as much as I loved my sister, that this was unfair. And that my heart would always choose him.

 _ **Vincent:** I killed him. _

_**Catherine:** Who?_

 _ **Vincent:** Darius._

Vincent:

I had waited almost half an hour on her fire escape, trying to find the right words I would say to her. As she stepped into the old brick building I made my way inside. Preparing myself for the end.

When I had found her in the club earlier that night, hearing how she was promising her sister that she would break up with me, it had confirmed my worst fears. Heather had convinced her that I was the worst choice for her and I couldn't take offence in that because it was simply the truth. At least one of the two Sisters had see right through me. When I confirmed that I had overheard all of it she instantly started yelling at me. And it didn't matter that she assured me that it was all a show for her Sister, it wouldn't be long until this conversation would become reality. The possibility of her, loosing her sister because of me or the Danger that comes with me was just the last straw. I had seen her at that dinner, had watched her closely and while she would never say it to my face, she wanted normal like every other woman. And normal I just couldn't give her. I had nothing to give her I knew that. And so this fake break up quickly became a real one, ripping the hope for a future right out of my beating heart.

When I had been on my way out, I saw Darius pointing that gun at Heather. It all happened in the blink of an eye, I just reacted. Sensing the danger I just jumped right into a transformation, I needed to safe her because I knew Catherine would never forgive herself if anything would happen to her. If I could prevent her to feel the same pain I knew so good, it was worth it. When my mind slowly went back to normal, hovering protectively over her unconscious body I checked Heather for any injuries, relieved when I found nothing. But that Darius guy hadn't been so lucky. And I couldn't even remember clearly when I had pushed him. Lying there in the dirt of this city was the next victim of Vincent Keller, who always wanted to help but only ended up killing another one. Another pair of eyes that would haunt me in my dreams. When I fleet from the upcoming sirens I knew I had again left a part of my soul behind.

Now I sat here, waiting for her so I could confess my sins. As she finally walked in she knew immediately that something was wrong. I didn't saw a benefit on waiting some more so I told her straight away what had happened. The words tumbled out of my mouth. I felt so utterly helpless, hopeless. And ashamed. I told her, I didn't mean to, hoping desperately that she would believe me, praying that she would see the deep remorse in my eyes. Please, believe me Catherine. I don't wanted to kill him, kill another one. I was chanting that words in my head, preparing for the worst. I had thought that she would push me away. That she would at least be horrified by my lack of control but she didn't said a word. Just looked at me.

When she later made her way to the crime scene to get Heather I followed her. She cried as she held her completely dissolved Sister in her arms while witnessing the deep grief of her Boss. He had lost his brother, a feeling I knew too good but he had lost him because of me. Because I didn't could control my strength. I was responsible for the tragedy that unfolded in front of me. Because Death follows my every move. How could she ever love a monster who did such things.

I had waited on the roof as ever, hiding in the shadows where I knew I belonged. When she came up I stayed hidden for a few minutes more, trying to get a last undisturbed look at this beautiful Woman in front of me. I tried to imprint every fracture of her in my soul. How her long hair moves with the wind, how her hazel eyes search for me. So I can always remember the beauty that had let the beast into her heart. As I watched her for the last time it dawned on me, that I had never been so close to Happiness in ten years. But as always I had lost it before I had a chance. I always did. This time it was by my own decision. She had risked so much for me, had protected me more than once with her life. Now it was time to protect her one last time. From me.

When I finally had the courage to come out she thanks me for saving her Sister. Yes, I had saved Heather but how many troubles had I caused her through it. I knew, that Joe will do anything in his power to find the murder of his brother. To find me. And I didn't wanted to burden her even more. This danger for her precious life has to stop, today. So I told her that I would leave. Because I didn't want her to loose her Sister over me, or because of me. And if that wouldn't be reason enough I saw what she wanted, she shouldn't give up her hopes and wishes. I will never be what she needs, I will never be normal. And even than, she still tells me that she is wanting me. That I am her normal. And when I open my moth to tell her that I don't deserve her she shatters my whole existence with just 4 Words.

How? How can she love me when I can't even love myself. She keeps talking about walls but for the first time in 10 years I do what my heart tells me. Without thinking, without doubting. I lean forward and press my lips to hers. My whole mind becomes still, the softness of her mouth against mine is the only remaining feeling in the world. It feels like my soul is taken apart only to be put back together in a new breathtaking way. So long I had dreamed, fantasized about this but the reality is almost to much to endure. And so I withdraw for just a second to tell her the only words that are left in my heart.


	15. Chapter 15 Any means Possible

_**Okay, so as you know I watch every episode multiple times to sense the mood and catch every intense look etc. But this episode was making it very hard for me, it just was to much half naked Vincent and it killed my concentration every single time :-) Also I spent hours trying to find the right words for this. Like the kiss I don't know if I succeeded. Any way, as always thanks for your kind reviews and I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Catherine:** I thought maybe the two of us could hang out, if you're not doing anything._

 _ **Vincent:** Right now?_

 _ **Catherine:** Yeah..._

Catherine:

When I slowly awakened from my stone like sleep, I needed some minutes to realise that him and me had really happened. Two days ago he had kissed me, said he loved me. And oh my god, that kisses. I've never been kissed like that, slowly and carefully like I was the most precious thing in the world. It had been more than I could have ever imagined in my head. I knew that he would be gentle but the way his big, strong hands had held my neck made me feel safe and loved. His eyes had been full of wonder when I told him that I loved him. Almost like he couldn't believe it, couldn't comprehended that he, Vincent was the owner of my heart. I would do anything in my power to show him that my Love only belonged him and that he deserved it more than anything. I smiled at that thought and while the bright morning sun flooded my bedroom I pulled my covers back and made my way to the bathroom.

I had some spar time and thought of what to do with the hours during my search for clothes. It also had no particular reason that for once my underwear matched and that my body was shaved and smelled lightly like roses. In the end I chose a light, white blouse, feeling very feminine today. I knew what my heart and body wanted to do but maybe it was to early to go just over there. We had needed so much time for just a kiss maybe we would need the same for the other steps. Oh good, I hope we don't. This Kiss had opened a tiny, locked box inside me where all my more primal urges where hidden until now. Now they all hummed through my body probably mating with the butterflies that lived in my stomach. While I drank my coffee, I tried to lose that smile in my face but I just couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to control my thoughts, they where always coming back to him, and his words and these kisses. Okay maybe when I would see him and we would talk (or kiss) a little, I would be able to work later. So I filled my coffee in a to go Cup and grabbed my jacket.

I had used the emergency key he had given me a few weeks ago and overheard J.T.'s sarcasm, I had gotten used to it. It was very hard to sound cool when he was standing there without a shirt, looking so handsome like he just woke up. Ever the best friend J.T. made a very unsubtle departure and not without to mention that he would be gone for several hours. Now, that we were alone I smiled at him and waited for any kind of approach. But no, instead of my personal hope of loosing clothes, his first thought were putting some on. So not what I had thought but yes of course put on a shirt, why not a sweater and a jacket on top. And while he struggled with his shirt I was making a complete fool out of myself by talking like a crazy one. He looked more than a little uncomfortable in that moment. Of course I had thought about that, more than just once but I hadn't wanted to tell him that right away. So I rebooted my brain in hope to turn this around but he just started to bolt. Like really bolt. Told me he needs to go while we both knew that he has nowhere to be right now, no job or anything.

Why was he acting so weird, was he having second thoughts? Was it too much after all? I took take a deep breath and ask him between the lines if something has changed, if he doesn't want to be with me. None of us was speaking in full sentences, not knowing what to say or how to say it and it just felt awkward. He said, he so wants to... And I almost begged him to finish that sentence but I think I know what he had in mind. It's just doesn't felt like it when he was literally running from me in the same moment. And then a thought popped I my head, he was still feeling guilty. He had to comprehend the next blood on his hands while I only had his hands on my body on my mind. So I told him right away that he didn't need to, that I will be forever grateful for him saving my Sister. And even if he looks like he is still fighting with this last blow, dealing with the guilt he feels so deeply, he just thanked me quietly, gave me a hurried kiss on the cheek and than he was out the door. What the fuck did just happened here?

Through I was more confused and frustrated than before visiting Vincent, I tried to fight this feelings with out powering myself. And when that wasn't helping I'm called Brooke since Tess wasn't available for girl talk any more. Maybe I needed more Girl friends for situations like this I thought when suddenly an almost naked man came in my view. We had a weird conversation before he realized that he is indeed somehow in the wrong locker room. Thanks for the Ego booster but really what was it with this day? Why was nothing going the way I wanted it too?

So I tried the last possible option that I have, I grabbed my money and bought her favourite cappuccino. And for a few minutes it was working, before said half naked guy stood in front of me, this time in a suit. It sting, how Tess is introduced us. When I saw the new agents my blood ran cold. One look and I knew what kind of Agents they are, I had met this type before. The don't shoot first and ask questions later, the don't asked questions at all. So in my lunch break I drove to the ware house again, this time in full speed.

 _ **Catherine:** Vincent, I'm... I'm afraid, things start getting out of hand._

 _ **Vincent:** I know and I need to explain..._

Vincent:

To hunt me. That was nothing new to me, I had lived with that feeling for the last decade. I had accepted that I probably wouldn't die old and grey, with grandchildren surrounding my bed. But in contrast to Muirfield Joe would hunt me till his last breath, because this was personal for him. She seemed shocked by my calmness but what had she thought? That we would live happily ever after? She had known my situation the whole time. The only thing I really feared about this was causing her pain with my death.

What had really messed me up that day were the papers, being called a psychopath who kills innocent people with nothing I could do about it was a hard thing to take in. I was a killer, but today my sins were published to the world, if true or not didn't mattered to me. I had no chance of defending myself. Now the world could hate me as much as I did myself. And as much as she wished to, I knew that nobody would ever testify for me. Maybe it would be better to get caught on my terms, so they could put me behind bars, even if the idea of getting in any type of cage again made my skin crawl. Obviously I wouldn't have to stay there long, Muirfield would probably get me killed in less then 48 hours. As always she believed in me, reassured me that we could get trough that or something like that. I didn't heard all of it because the second her hand touched my arm I felt that humming again, coursing though my whole body. I instantly move away.

And that was the moment she finally lost her coolness. I knew she wanted to help me but of course she didn't knew how. Because I hadn't told her. And I knew I didn't wanted to but there was no way around it now. So I confessed. About that dream of us and how it had frightened me. It wasn't just a nightmare, this was my life. The life I had to live every single day where nothing was easy or normal. Not even this particular Aspect. While dying in shame I told her about that other woman, of my lack of self control and that it had been a miracle that she survived. How fucked up was that? That she had to ask me if the last woman I had been with got killed by me? But again she didn't run, neither was she repulsed by me. In her eyes I could see even if I had killed that women she would have forgiven me that too. I tried to make her understand that all consuming panic I felt when I got closer to her, how my control did always hang on thin threads around her. What an awesome boyfriend I was, I not only pulled her slowly in the shadows and brought her life in constant danger now I couldn't even meet her expectations in that department. I was pathetic. She was quiet for some time and before this could get any worse, I changed the subject.

We talk about the case but it was to close to our situation so we were quickly back on topic. She conquered my self loath with the word hero. No word was further away from the truth but I'm touched by her way of seeing me. My hand reached for hers but she pulled away. I realised that even if her Head wanted to see only the good in me her body instinctively recoiled from my touch. She tried to apologize but I had knew that the words I told her would have an affect on her. I should have told her sooner. Maybe she would've never developed feelings for me, what would have made things easier. But no, I had selfishly taken everything that I could, to just feel some kind of warmth again. As ever Catherine found the words to make me hope that we could have a chance in some kind of way. And made the suggestion to take it slow until we could figure a way out how to deal with this mess. Before we go back to the case I wanted, no needed to tell her that I want her more than anything. If only the circumstances were different. And it makes me almost blush to hear that she wants me almost as much. Who would have thought that my scarred body could hold any attraction for her.

That evening with the masquerade ball felt like a Dream. I couldn't take my eyes of her, she looked like a goddess. With the lace around her eyes and that naked shoulders again I had a really hard time concentrating. I tried to stay on my mission but my eyes were constantly drawn to her. Only the danger she was getting herself into had let me regain focus. The way she was flirting with him made me ill and when he called her names and pointed that gun at her I snapped. I unleashed the rage within me and crushed him to the ground. All my instincts were screaming to kill him but somehow I could stop myself. I controlled myself. When we got out of there I felt so hopeful, tomorrow it would be all be better. As she took these steppes away from me I decided to give my unbelievable happiness an outlet. I just couldn't let her leave like that so I called out her name, almost ran down that stairs and kissed my girl with all that joy I felt in that moment, with all the want I desperately needed her to know. It left me breathless.

Until I turned on the TV the next day and saw that I was still the most wanted monster and that the girl I loved stood in front of cameras while her Boss told the world how they would hunt me with every possible resource until they had me. I saw the pain in her eyes while he said those words and I felt it with her. We would never get a minute of peace. She tried to stay positive, telling me she could keep an eye on them while trying to protect me. But how much longer could she fight on two sides before she was discovered? She could loose her job and her life and I would be damned if I would be the reason for it. So I told her a glimpse of my possible future which was almost non existent and gave her a chance to back out. Always the fighter she wanted to hear nothing more about it. I admired how she could have so much trust in us, so much faith in us, in me.

Softly her hands found my face, caressing it so gently that I almost cried. How did I deserved her love when I couldn't give her anything. She told me that she was different that the woman I almost hurt, that she didn't shared my fears. She disarmed me, stripped me off my defenses and when I stood in front of her I couldn't fight this any more. Couldn't fight us any more. Our hands found each other giving me the strength I needed to give her all of me. The puls of her heart and her soft moans created a beautiful serenade in my ears. Every new contact of skin was like a first time feeling, every kiss a reassurance of her Love. Her small hands held so much power, making me a slave of her desires. In her arms it felt like my body, which had been dead and cold for so long came alive, everywhere she touched me, warmth blossomed. And when her warmth turned to fire, opening the cage for my worst fears it only needed a loving caressing of my cheek to tame the beast in me. Her touch, her love was my salvation and slowly she washed away my sins.

 **So maybe this mysterious encounter with another Woman didn't wanted to leave my mind and I had to write about it... I don't know if we ever get to know more about it, so its just my Imagination. Anybody interested in that?**


	16. Chapter 16 Insatiable

**Hey my lovelies, as every time thank you so much for your praise. For the first time I choose a moment, not a quote for the first part. And as always I hope you enjoy it!**

Catherine:

The first thought that I was aware of was the smell. The bed sheets smelled like him, like his unique sent. When I finally opened my eyes I reached next to me only to find nothing. I was fully awake right away, searching the room for him. A minute before I could completely freak out, he came through the door carrying a broom and a garbage can, looking more at ease that I had ever seen him. Only now I saw the bottles on the floor having no idea how they got there. I offered my help, quickly slipping in my jeans and made my way over to him. Following way a sweetly, awkward moment with lot's of saying I'm okay and us both grinning like idiots. But that shifted pretty soon and we were getting back to were it all had started last night, kissing and falling on crumbled sheets. I knew how much of a relief it was for Vincent to be able to be with me in any means possible and I could feel it in every touch, every stroke. He was starved for human contact, so I tried my best to compensate years of loneliness with my Hands and lips. It was like the world had stopped moving around us, we were captured in the whirls of our passion, in each others embrace.

When we came back to earth I was reminded of the world outside, even when a part of me never wanted to leave this bed or his side again, I knew I had to. As I walked through the park and back into reality, enjoying the fresh, clean air my mind replayed every move, every touch of him, remembering his strength as he lifted me up and pushed me against the shelf. Now, there was the explanation for the bottles on the floor, I smiled. But it froze in my face when I saw the body. There was no chance for a mistake, the marks on the dead man's face and torso looked exactly like every wound Vincent hat created with his claws. But it couldn't been him, I was with him the whole night and the way his eyes looked in the morning he hadn't got much sleep either. So what had happened here? I tried to choose my questions carefully, so I would sound more sceptical. But facts were not really up for question, because Joe was sure that this was the doing of the same monster who killed his brother. He would never work correctly, openly overlooking any proof that would say different, blinded by his need for revenge. Later, when Gabe threatened to take me of this task force I knew I had to be more cautious, when they would cut me out, there would be no chance of helping Vincent any longer.

In the Lab I started to find it rather difficult, especially after last night to hear Evan talk about the cold blooded Killer or even more wrong, the creature, without been able to defend him or even rolling my eyes. It was a hard thing getting used too. And even he was ready to do anything to put Vincent do, not caring that he saved his live or that there was no DNA trace at the Victim. Have they all lost their mind? On top of all this mess Evan was the next one on my list of sceptical Friends, trying to rescue me somehow or to force some unknown Truth out of me.

When I told Vincent about the resent Murder, he jumped right into action, not wanting to add another name of victims to his name, particularly when he didn't even did it. We knew that someone tried to set him up but when I considered Muirfield he quickly dismissed it, saying that this was drawing way too much attention for her doing. So who was it? It really had let my mood drop, that we were getting not even two days of peace. But that couldn't be changed now and even when he again told me it was not too late to run I knew like him that we were stronger together, that we drew strength out of our love. It was just that Vincent and I couldn't ignore the Warnings any longer, we had to be more careful what felt like an almost unsolvable task, when our resent encounter was still so fresh in our minds and our feelings so all consuming.

We had to get this task force off our trace, so when Vincent first spoke to us about his idea off letting himself get caught I was a second doubting his state of mind. But as he explained his plan it made sense. Maybe this was our best chance. Thanks to J.T. we soon had a body for our purpose, I really had now idea how he did this, every time they needed something important he just took care of it. That was what 10 years of this life did to you, turning you into a master thief. And while J.T. tried to get information out off Evan, me and Vincent prepared the warehouse. I was surprised how my life turned in just a few month, instead doing paperwork on my desk I was now preparing a building for his blow up, faked evidence here and now and lied to almost every person in my life. But with all this going on I didn't felt as guilty as I thought I would, maybe because I now had something, no someone worth doing these things for. And said reason was currently looking at me with trust and love in his eyes. We said our little goodbye to the warehouse, where this, us started month ago and sneaked in a kiss here and there. God how I had missed this feeling of being in love although it had never felt like this before.

Minutes later we ran for our lives, again. I had no idea how Muirfield had found us but they suddenly crushed through every window. Bullets flew everywhere. Only the jump down the City canals saved us and the second the door closed we hurt a loud boom from above us. That was close, I thought to myself while trying to catch my breath. When we knew for sure that nobody were following us we slowed down to a walk. We made it. We had make him disappear once again and now we could just hope that this had bought us some time. To not look suspicious we separated so I could show my face at the burning ware house and lead them into believing this made up plan. Please let them believe it.

 _ **Catherine:** What is it?_

 _ **Vincent:** This is Muirfield._

 _ **Catherine:** How did they find you?_

 _ **Vincent:** I don't know._

Vincent:

Running for our lives, we jumped through the hatch in the floor, landing in the dark tunnels that ran under almost everything in this City. The explosion put an end to the place I called some kind of refuge for the last years, hopefully getting this task force off my feet but erasing another footprint of my life. Will there be any time when I could stop looking behind me? Will I ever have a chance of building a home?

This morning had been by far the best in my life, waking up next to this sleeping beauty, knowing what had happened in the night before. I was so relieved that I could be with her, without hurting her. I still was hesitant in the way I touched her, still afraid that my control would slip someday but for now I was happy, this was more that I could've hoped for. I hadn't slept much that night, I just watched her sleep and cherished her every breath. Never in my life I had experienced such a deep connection, such overwhelming feelings. I had found peace in her embrace. And when the sun came up I had a chance of witnessing a spectacular view. She was even more breathtaking in the daylight and the first sunbeams started to paint a beautiful picture out of light on her soft skin. I had to get out of bed before I would've woken her, just to loose myself in her again.

When I had told her and J.T. my plan on letting myself 'getting caught' she first assumed the worst. But after I had enlightened her she made me hope that it could work. That it didn't sound completely insane. So everyone got to work, J.T. got somehow a body and Catherine and I prepared the Warehouse. When I poured my friends chemicals over my bed I felt a little sorrow. Not 12 hours ago we had slept here, our bodies so close to each other and now my life had gone from romantic to hunted and on the run, again. I just hope she was sure what she gotten herself into. Sometimes I couldn't believe that she was really knowing what it would be like. How much she would have to sacrifice and how far this relationship was going to be different from her previous ones. But she was right in one thing, together we had a chance to make it. As long as we had each other it was enough to fight for.

I tried to remember the picture while I was holding her tight against my chest now. She was her in my arms, safe, I told myself over and over again. Both of our hearts were racing, if we had stayed for some minutes longer we both could be death now. I had no idea how Muirfield had found us, but this was to close, closer that they had been in years of hunting me minus the crazy day when I came to them. And with that I discovered a new fear in my list. Stronger than any of the other ones. The fear of loosing her. This could not happen again, we needed to keep our eyes open. I just wished that we could've stayed in our bubble for a little longer. That's all I prayed for, just al little more time with her. And if this plan had worked maybe we would get just that. Some time so that we could explore each other some more, enjoy this new found bond. And from now on my manly purpose was to protect her.

When she told me she needed to go, I knew that she had to but it wasn't easy to let her go. One kiss and than she was gone. Would it always feel like this? Every kiss made my pulse racing and my insides roar with the want for her. I had never experienced anything like this. With her by my side I felt stronger than ever, ready to take on everything and at the same time more afraid because now I had a weakness, her. Focus Vincent, I told myself and shouldered my backpack. I needed to get to the save haven, meet J.T. and the we would have to look for a new place. Something secluded with multiple exists would be good. Something I could bring her, be with her while I knew we were safe. Maybe where we could cook together before we snuggled up on the couch to watch a Movie. And while I was daydreaming stupidly, I hadn't heard the steps behind me. When she shouted for me to stop moving I didn't think, I just ran. What the hell is wrong with me, how could I not have heard her coming closer? I raced through the dark tunnels, the echo of her and my footsteps was everywhere and it started to really hurt my ears. When I jumped down that ladder I felt it in my bones, the panic making my adrenaline peak. And when Tess shot that warning bullet I tried to stay in control so badly, tried to tell her she had to go. I would hurt her, kill her and Catherine would never forgive me for that. So I did all in my power to stay conscious, to stay Vincent. But my thoughts were getting cloudier while the instincts in me took over. When I turned around, I first just heard the loud noise.

The feeling came a few seconds later, burning hot and making my legs gave out on me. My body screamed in pain, hot shards cutting through my insides. The wounded beast in me roared in agony, I couldn't breath, couldn't focus. Just growl in despair and feeling the blood slowly seep out of me. Through the haze I heard my name shouted and a moment later she was there, by my side. Her hands franticly caressed me, searching for the wound while she assured me that I was going to be okay. Would I? Or would I die right here in front of her, lying in the dirt? I hope not, she shouldn't have to see that. What had I said about more time?


	17. Chapter 17 Partners in Crime

**I'm so touched by all your sweet responses, thank you! Okay after the cliffhanger drove me almost nuts I have to say I was a little disappointed in the next episode, it felt like a filler or some ground to build up from in the next episodes. But I nonetheless picked up some vibes and glances here and there that inspired me. As always I hope you enjoy...**

 _ **Catherine:** Tess, Tess you need to bring your gun down, he needs help!_

 _ **Tess:** What is happening?_

Catherine:

Please No were the only words left in my head. Let him be okay, please we had just found each other. I talked to him, searched for the bullet wound all while I tried to get Tess under control, there was no time for explaining it right now. I was so afraid for him that my words probably made no sense to her. Please come back to me Vincent, I begged in my mind, hear my voice and come back. Slowly his features transformed back to the face of the man I loved. And so thank god, also his knowledge came back as he ordered me to give him the knife. I fumbled with the zippers, to get it out of his backpack as quickly as I can. Tess had shouted from behind me to stop, to step back but she would have to shoot me if she had wanted me to stop helping him. When he went to cut the bullet out I had to turn my face away, I couldn't watch it. His pain was my pain and I felt every bit of it. My eyes linked with Tess, pleading with her while she tried to reach someone outside. I knew her decision before she had moved one muscle.

Then Tess started to run for help and while it had hurt me physically to leave him there, I knew I had to get to her, I needed to prevent her from telling anybody. It would be our End. So I went after her, calling her name while desperately trying to make her slow down, so that I could talk to her. Water splashed everywhere while I tried to stay behind her, but as much as I trained she had always been the faster one of us two. When Tess climbed up that Ladder, I realised I was to slow, to far behind and that I would never get to her in time. But Vincent did. She struggled in his grip, even bit him as I was talking to her, franticly hoping I would find the words to break through her. I didn't and J.T. with his last minute shot didn't helped that situation either. She was laying on a improvised pillow and we're discussed how to proceed. J.T. was in full run and hide modus, trying to talk us into action. But I needed a moment to think, when I could get a moment of silence I knew I could come up with a plan.

To my Luck, Vincent shared my opinion of not leaving her down here if there was a little chance that she could listen. If I would wake up down here all alone I would go crazy, there was not a chance I would do that to her, despite all our circumstances. She just needed to listen to us but I knew this would be tough. She was my partner and best friend, we had mastered our whole training together, I knew how she ticked and there was a big chance for this to get worse. But I couldn't leave everything behind if there was even a slight chance to evade it. So Vincent and I sat down and talked, hoping to find a way that this story wouldn't sound down right crazy to her. Also I could look him over making myself believe that he was okay. He showed me the wound, always the doctor he had sewn it himself, telling me again how he healed a lot more quicker. Than he brought our concentration back to the sleeping form in front of us. After some time and a few talked trough scenarios, I figured out the best way was probably to talk to the cop in her, the one who always went for justice. But for that I needed proof and so I left her with Vincent, even if it broke my heart. I had always wanted to protect her and now everything was so completely out of hand. All that could save us would be my words. If I find the right tone, the right words maybe there was a chance.

Evan was talking to J.T. and I formally introduced myself as Detective Chandler, always trying to hold my mask in place when I was a mess on the inside. I could lead him outside for our talk, giving J.T. the chance to switch the samples. He gave me the reports under a strange look but let me off the hook quickly this time, thankfully because I didn't had the power to argue with him in that moment. I still tried to comprehend the thought that he had truly changed sides, working for Muirfield now. It felt like this was all we had done over the last month, chosen sides for the fight. Relieved, I was just about to leave the building when Joe grabbed my arm and almost dragged me in to the press room. Without a moment of preparation I was pushed in front of too many cameras, the lights blinding me for a moment while I tried to find my composure. So much for being back as quickly as possible.

 _ **Vincent:** What are you doing, whe... where are you going_

 _ **Catherine:** I gotta go build a case, she's not going to believe me so I have to get proof._

Vincent:

Her pulse quickened over her fight with the drug, what gave me a moment to prepare myself for her wake up. When she was conscious again and opened her eyes, fear were the first thing I saw in her look. So I tried to speak softly to her, kept distance and explained again that I would not hurt her. Hopefully she would give me enough time to say what I wanted to say before Catherine came back. That she did this all to keep Tess safe and not because she didn't trusted her. But the more she came to her senses again, the more defensive Tess became, building up a wall with sarcasm and I realised slowly that there would be no way that she would believe me or see me as something else than a killer. Catherine was our only chance, so we waited. Interesting how Tess reacted exactly the way that I ever thought Catherine would. Wary with a trace of fear. When she finally started to really talk to me I quickly realized that she was indeed a good cop, observing our situations perfectly. She sensed all my fears and addressed the weaknesses in our relationship, laying them all one by one on the table, as I wouldn't see them myself.

To change the topic I told her about our similarities, like our families, our brothers and the most important of them all, Catherine. Told her that I would never hurt her and how I always tried to protect her. Maybe she would have liked me when we have met somehow different. Talking to people had always been one of my weaknesses because I never could find the right words when I needed them. I know there was no chance of winning her over like this but I would even try the impossible. We talked some more about Catherine and I begged her to listen to her best friend, to try and trust her Judgement. And with no other option I let her go, hoping that she would search for Catherine instead of Joe praying for her to listen to her former friend and partner.

When Catherine came back in the tunnel I not only saw, I smelt her fresh tears. So it didn't worked, I knew before she tells me. It broke my heart that she had to loose another friend, another trusted one because of me and all the Problems that came with me, But her step was sure as she packed up and informs us it's time to go. I couldn't believe it, she truly was willing to let everything behind, her Job, her Sister and her home. When I asked her about Tess she confessed the deal she had been offered. Turning me in and Tess would cover. Why didn't she do it? J.T. and I could have been long gone and she would have been safe. I told her, to let me leave and save herself but she wasn't having it. And that is the moment I knew she would go to the end of the world with me.

I try to comprehend that thought when we made our way through the tunnels only stopping when I heard a noise. The architecture of these canals and the echo was making it hard for me but I was almost sure that it had been a gunshot. Were they already here? Damn, I had hoped for more time. I slowly pushed her behind me, trying to protect her with my body but a second later this two Guys were shooting at us. When I heard one telling the other that they need me alive I know it's Muirfield, it has to be.

 _ **A few hours later...**_

It seemed like she had lost a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Her joy over her recovered friendship with Tess was beautiful to see, it made her eyes sparkle. For me it was hard to say if I was happy to have Tess in our Team or if it was just another life that I had ruined only because of my existence. Because I had tied that beautiful woman to me. I didn't wanted to ruin her mood so I kept my thoughts to myself and tried to enjoy how the moon illuminated her skin and how she smiled happily at me. I hoped so much that I could give her more of these Moments, the sweet and carefree ones. Like now to just be with her, like a hundred times before on our fire escape. She said we would never separate, no matter how dangerous it would become it was us versus them and that I should finally stop pushing her away. My heart believed her. We had so many obstacles against us but it would only made us stronger. And so I gave my girl the good night kiss, that I always had wanted to give her standing here before I jumped down, making my way to the address J.T. had giving me wondering how long we would be able to just be before the next catastrophe would happen...


	18. Chapter 18 Heart of Darkness

_**Hey my beloved readers, as always a huge thank you for your sweet reviews. This episode was really hard, I had to wipe away some tear... For the occasion, I had my way with another mind, one that I was interested for a long time and so I took my last chance. Hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Evan:** That was fast..._

Evan:

The alcohol had given me strength but didn't healed my broken heart. Seeing her kiss that thing last night had bee like a cold shower. After I had followed it to his hiding place, I had looked for a bar that served a good whiskey and had drank away my sorrows. Around 6 in the morning the plan started to come together in my head. So I slowed down the fluids and made a call. There pretty fast and I hated the way their arrogant agent was talking to me but I had to do this, I had to keep her safe. And so I swallowed my pride and told this bastard were they would find the creature they had let loose on the world. So they could bloody fix it, hopefully stopping his heart in their doing. I had never been the aggressive type but this thing, and that it lurked his way in to Cat's life made my blood boil. I tried not to laugh when he gave me that stupid panic button, what the hell should I do with it. Again I kept myself from calling her but with her name my head I realised that I needed a plan to protect her. Maybe she would be with him when they closed in and that would be far to dangerous. But in my drunken state there was really nothing I could do except... I took a look around, noticing again that I was watched by two guys from them so better not to punch these guys. But a little further down the bar sat a men, looking drunk and lonely. Perfect victim I thought, stood up, went over and punched him right in his face. Now all I needed to do is wait for the perfect timing.

Sitting in that cell I had the worst hang over in my life. After I puked half out of myself out I had nothing more to do than sit there, count the hammering in my head and wait for their sign. When it came I almost didn't hear, but as I saw the word 'start' send by another unknown number I knew immediately that it had began. Wavering, I came to stand only to require loudly for my phone call.

When she came through the bars, looking lovely as ever I tried my best to stay calm even when I knew I looked like shit and still talked like I was drunk. But no matter how clear I was telling her that I knew, she was lying, like she did the whole last year she acted like she had no idea. How could I be so deluded. I would had given her the world. Even when I told her straight that I knew about her boyfriend she was still trying to fool me. It made me so angry, I wanted no needed an explanation for her behaviour. How could she, after all we've been through, after knowing perfectly what I felt for her. Yet she chose this monster and even worse she chose it over me. Could she just stop acting like I was crazy? I had discovered it on my own, had again and again asked her about it, always told her my fear for her but still she stands in front of playing like she had no idea what I was talking about. Had she ever had any form of respect for me? Had I read her so wrong? It was stupid to wish that she didn't know what he was, she was there at the tunnels were it had almost slaughtered me, a moment that still gave me nightmares. And she kissed this thing and maybe more. I thought I was going to be sick. But that finally got me through her wall, finally she admitted it but doesn't she understood the danger she was in? How it could attack her any second? But the longer she talked I more and more realized that it must had played the victim. Didn't she see that all my actions, all my researches all had her in mind? Her well being? I had always believed that if I just wait long enough she would see me, but even after our Kiss I was never more than a friend. So I wanted to be her knight in shining armour. I could never had done it myself but this Muirfield Agents, they knew their business. They would finally kill this thing before it would hurt her. One look in her eyes when she talked about him and I felt like the dumbest Man on earth. She loved him, it was clearly written all over her face. This realization made me blind with pain, she would rather stay with this monster than ever be with me and so I slipped in my speech. Talked to much. I knew it and she did too based on the flash of horror that crossed her face. As she turned to run, to save this thing I made a last try, told her to stay away but knowing it was useless.

I didn't heard again not from Muirfield and not from Cat, so I had no idea what had happened. As I sat in the train I just wished this day to be over. I needed aspirin, sleep and by the smell in my nose a shower first. Maybe after a few hours of sleep I could try some food next. Again I looked on her number, should I call her? Would she hate me for what I did to keep her safe? A second later none of that mattered, because there he was, sitting right in front of me. Trying to tell me that I was the danger for Cat, that they would kill her. His eyes were stone cold as he watched me, he wouldn't kill me in front of so many people, would he? But no, he had no intentions to murder me, he wanted me out of her life, what a surprise. Like I would walk away leaving her here in his claws. This seemed to be a play of who's more dangerous but no matter what he said, I knew the truth here, I had all his victims on my table and hat seen the damage he could do in seconds. With doing such things, how could he even think that he could keep her save. How twisted was this thing when it selfishly dragged innocent woman into the darkness, playing with them until he lost interest and the what? Kill her? Maybe he even ate her? And after all having the guts to order me to stop hunting him, when he had know this all along and had nevertheless put my Cat in the middle of this Insanity. But still he thought, no believed that instead of him I was the threat to her. I would protect her no matter what it would take. The hand in my pocket found the button, this had to end right now so I lured him into the last wagon and pushed. Let's see how fast they really are. He took the bait only to realize that it was over and I couldn't let him go without letting him know exactly who would be her shoulder to cry on once his finally gone.

 _ **Agent:** But I knew we would find you eventually_

 _ **Vincent:** That makes two of us._

Vincent:

When I slowly got conscious again, the bars were the first thing in my line of sight. Fucking bars. My head was hurting because of the drugs and I had a hard time to come fully to my senses. When I felt I was stable enough to stand I took a look around, finding nothing but white walls, some one way windows and a lot of technical modules. I sat there for a long time, trying to keep my breathing even while I fighting the feeling of panic caused by this cage. Mentally watching all our precious moments I said my goodbye to the woman I loved, glad that I had this last weeks of joy and love to draw strength from in my last battle. Preparing myself I knew I would not show them fear, I would die fighting. They could break my bones but never my mind. When the first agent were brave enough to take a step into one room with me, he was admiring me. My strength, my powers. Proud of their work. We both knew that this was it, this was the end but against my hopes that they would kill me quick and cut me up later, he revealed a more painful plan. This time I worked hard to keep my straight face, any man who would get agitated by that future would a liar. So no quick death for me.

When that walkie talkie came to life and talked about a security breach my heart almost stopped. Please don't let her be so stupid. There was no way she could fight against this much of Agents. It would be suicidal. But than I saw Evan coming through the door and that poor guy finally began to think. I was the one to be tortured though he was the one looking petrified. He went through all his informations, all his decisions desperately trying to see were it all went wrong. So I told again my sad story, told him about J.T. and than he finally put this puzzle together. Understood the lies and saw the danger he had brought on Catherine. And when he told me that he didn't knew if he could save her I almost sank to my knees. Of course he couldn't, he was just a fool, in love with my Woman who had know idea what he had gotten himself into. And his last try to free me would probably end with his death.

Again I waited, walking along the bars like the animal they had made me and without taking my eyes off that doctor, which was preparing some injections. So it would start soon, the would drug me until they had strapped me on to a table for the last show. When the door opened I looked there, prepared to fight till my last moment but I couldn't believe my eyes. There she was, looking like the promise of death. And when the Russian medical remembered her to not shot, she moved fast like a ninja, freeing me from that cage. She had come to find me, to save me and now it was my turn to get her out of here fast. Unfortunately I had underrated her bond with Evan because she didn't want to leave without that poor Guy. When we had finally found him I knew his chances were slim, he had lost to much blood and I was pretty sure he internal bleeding. But one look in Catherine's eyes and I pulled him up, hoping desperately that he wouldn't slow us down to much. When we came to that door it made my heart race, we had come too far to stop now. I needed to get that door open. And so I crashed into it, again and again and again. Until it opened, first just a gab and while Evan sacrificed his life for more time I could push it wider, grab Catherine and run. And so in the end we made our peace, worked together, with our life at stakes to protect the woman we both loved so deeply. But only one of us made it out and so it was my duty to be thankful for the rest of my life, for him to give me the chance to safe her.


	19. Chapter 19 Playing with Fire

_**It is always so exiting to wait for your reactions, your words are making me very proud. Before you start reading maybe someone can answer me this question... Where the hell are all those cute Forensic boys come from? Is there a school somewhere, training forensic scientist with a model job on the side? And where can we find it? As always have fun!**_

 _ **Catherine:** As you can see Mr. Keller it is a bit of a fixer upper, but is has potential, it's quiet, there are no shared walls and the neighbourhood is very peaceful._

Catherine:

The last days had been hard, loosing Evan when there could had been ways to prevent it, would make me feel guilty for the rest of my life. I could have made a difference, could have taken a closer look and maybe than I could've warn him before it was too late. But I had been so wrapped up in my own life, in Vincent and this whole almost disaster with Tess. that I had unfortunately overlooked his path and where it would lead him. To get my mind off this grief, I had done my own little search for a new place for J.T. and Vincent. And when we raided these old industrial factory a few days ago, I thought I had maybe found the one. So in the evening I got there, checked everything out, put up some light strings and met my Boyfriend in front.

He wasn't as happy as I thought he would be no matter how much I try to sell it to him. But I found it rather sweet when he sheepishly confessed he wanted something more romantic. It was making me glad that he finally accepted that I wasn't leaving him, that he wasn't alone any more. Now, he tried to find a home with me in his mind, where I would feel good and safe, not knowing that he could live in a messy garage and I would still visiting him as much as I could. After my failed attempt of playing real estate agent we started the bigger task, the one that would hurt beyond words. Searching through Evans apartment and stuff felt so invasive but the most horrible thing was the voice of his mother on his old school answering machine. How she told him she missed him, that he should call her and how she was looking forward to his next visit. It almost broke my heart and I needed a moment to cry against Vincent's shoulder. His parents would never see him again, never know what happened to their son. There wouldn't even be a funeral. It was hard to take and I knew even when Vincent disliked him, he would be forever thankful for his sacrifice. In that night we just slept, holding each other close, relieved to be alive and together.

When this man stumbled into our office and died in front of us I remembered J.T.'s words, that Muirfield never strikes only once. Was this a trap? Where they unscrupulous enough to become suicidal just to get us out of cover? And when Gabe finally reviled his motives about Muirfield I started to get a serious headache. There where just too much informations, to few to trust and I felt completely overwhelmed. Of course Vincent miss trusted him instantly, even when we both knew we needed to do something in order to finally be free. We talked long about it, but he didn't took a step back. He thought it was just another clever way to get to him. And while I knew he would do everything to keep me from there radar I just couldn't just sit there and wait for their next strike. I saw a chance and I took it.

Swallowing my fear I gave Gabe as little information as I could for him to trust me and went for this Orchard. If this would be a chance to free us, I would take it, break every law I needed without feeling guilty. That Tess wanted to help me was a wonderful feeling, despite the danger she was getting herself into it felt good that she had my back again, that we were partners again. Little had I know what to expect, but this was big. A room full of servers at my feet, all the Horror Muirfield had done over the years, all there researches and Files combined in one place. I was standing in the brain and now I could destroy them from the inside. All this Data and what we could do with it. We could bring them down with this, I knew it but in my euphoric state I realised too late the mistakes I had made. I should have looked first for his files, to delete them. How could I be so stupid. When I couldn't stop the download I began to panic, punching on those keys and when that didn't helped I started to smash against the server. It had zero results. I had failed, failed to protect him while making it so much worse. In seconds Gabe would knew everything about him and I couldn't do a thing about it. When Tess contacted me the tears in my eyes threatened to fall and a second later he was there, standing behind me and for the first time I saw anger in his eyes. Anger towards me.

 _ **Vincent:** I didn't lie to her, I just, I said she needs to keep as far away from anything related to Muirfield as possible. However, I didn't tell her that I was going to look into this guy and try to find out where he came from. _

_**J.T.:** That's a slippery slope my friend..._

Vincent:

I tried to solve this alone with J.T., like we had always done but as much as we searched and looked around we couldn't find an answer to our questions as why this guy was coming to her now or if this was a trap. Just dead bodies, rats and more questions. Since the video was our only evidence I watched it again and again, trying to decide if this young guy was lying or not. When I finally showed it to Catherine she wanted to investigate immediately, completely engulfed in this chance to take on our enemies. And she wanted to talk to Gabriel, a step I couldn't understand the slightest. I knew deep down inside that this Gabe was trouble. The story he told her was thin, it could be real or not but neither of us could tell. But the hope was there in her eyes, I could see it and I had no idea how to make her understand the danger she was getting herself into. Muirfield didn't know about her and if it was for me it would stay that way for ever. They would hunt her down and that was a thought I couldn't follow. After being with her I couldn't go back, couldn't live in darkness again. So I almost begged her to keep quiet because once my identity was open to Gabe we couldn't take it back without killing him. To keep her save I went for answers myself, the first time without telling her even if it didn't felt good. J.T. had got me thinking, maybe it would be better when we go back to silence. Maybe I could be with her without burden her with my problems. She could be much more safe. And I saw the pressure she felt, heard it in her voice. She was playing tough but the 24 hour threat started to break her strength.

I had started to watch Gabe since my conversation with Catherine, trying to find out his motives and listening to his conversations, just to be safe. When I heard Catherine's voice through his phone I instantly went cold. Seemed like we were both working on or own, but that she really had talked to Gabe, despite my warnings didn't felt very good. I let J.T. track her when her voice started to sound agitated. I knew something was wrong and when I found her finally, surrounded by all these servers, all this information she was close to tears. She told me what she had done and until this moment I wouldn't have thought that she could make me angry. But she accomplished that. Not because of her wrongdoings but with her blindness for the danger she just had put herself in. All this times, I had told her how much her safety meant to me and she hadn't listened. So we did our best to destroy this place in minutes, fought off those security guys and made it out there alive. For the first time I needed a longer time to calm down. Normally her presents had always helped me regain control of myself but on that evening I needed much more time. Probably because I was so upset with her. I took her home without neither of us talking much, both trying to process the night and what almost had happened.

The next days I was busy with moving inn, J.T. had finally found us a place, owned by no one and empty. When I took a first look it was breathtaking. Bright and high, stone and old wood. And who was the first I wanted to tell? Catherine of course. J.T. and I discussed it endlessly, he wanted to go back to total privacy but I knew I had to let her make this decision. If I would cut her from Information without her knowing she would probably freak out completely. So I wrote a little note, remembering our first encounters and ask her to come to the tunnels. I knew it wasn't the most romantic place to meet but I would always choose safety over romantic. She looked so sad when she came closer, like she hadn't slept good these last nights. I wondered for a second if that was just because of her feeling guilty or if she maybe just slept better with me by her side. I certainly did.

She apologized and explained her actions but I told her that she didn't need to. We both had made the same huge mistake. While trying to protect each other we had worked alone, a thing we regretted. Didn't we had noticed before that we were stronger together? But fear had made us both stupid and reckless, fear for each other. Over the last days I had realized that we both now had to live with that feeling, it would never go away. And if we wanted to be together, build a future together than we would need to find an other way to cope with this. So I asked her what she wanted. Be open about everything or go back to the secrecy. Her answer was surprisingly honest and made me smile, so I took her up to our new home, hoping she would like it. Maybe someday it could be her home too.


	20. Chapter 20 Anniversary

_**Oh what a sweet ending... I totally want to spend more time on rooftops or fire escapes, they suddenly seem like the most romantic places EVER! I have still no idea how this whole show could happen without me watching it ?! Like every day, thanks for all your sweet reviews, especially to susannah65 for reading almost every chapter and commenting on it in one weekend, I hope you're all still with me for the last episodes... Enjoy!**_

 _ **Catherine:** How long have you've been there?_

 _ **Vincent:** A little while..._

Vincent:

I've been on my way to her before the sun rose, grabbing her a coffee on the way. When I had found her still sleeping I couldn't bring myself to wake her and so I waited. Watched her turn and twitch till her pulse told me she was about to wake up. It had been no question that I would be there for her on this difficult day, now that I could. For the first time I wouldn't had to watch her suffer from distance, no this year I could support her. I knew it would be hard, so I wanted to give her a good start for this day with a kiss and her favourite coffee. When she opened her eyes I couldn't resist. I sneaked into her bed and kissed her awake. Her normally sharp look was already clouded with sorrow. I had observed it sometimes over the years, but here in her bed she told me for the first time how she remembered her mother. The Music, the food. But unlike the other years her view on her was now changed, tainted. I wanted her to remember the good things, told her how her mother impressed and helped me. But Catherine wanted to celebrate our anniversary instead, hiding from her family and all that secrets, obviously. Our anniversary, the only good thing that had happen to me in 10 Years. But we could do that tomorrow, today was about her and her loss. She started kissing me, gripping my neck and it needed all of my power to separate myself from her, to calm my body and suggest another option. I wanted to accompany her on her yearly visit at the cemetery hopefully for the first of many times.

It had sounded like a good idea in my head, but when we got there we quickly discovered that we were not the only ones. Meeting Gabe there hadn't been part of my plan, I had no idea what he wanted there. It didn't felt right to let her do this alone, speaking with him when she was in such a vulnerable state. And then he dumped this mass on information on her, his connection with her mother and all there shared past, obviously just making an attempt to bond with her. Like he just had waited for the right Moment. I hated to stay back,hiding again behind a tree like all those years before while he openly tried to manipulate her. How he joked and laughed with her over shared memories of this women. And than she surprisingly invited him for there annual celebration. Didn't she knew how it would make me feel to know he was with her in this intimate circle fully knowing that I could never be there? I couldn't watch this any more.

Back at home I was so upset that I needed to work out so I wouldn't explode with all this irritating feelings inside of me. J.T. always my voice of reason asked me how I wanted to proceed, after he had watched me a while beating myself up. I had no idea. It was clear to me that it hadn't been my finest move, leaving her there all alone, on this day especially but I had just acted without thinking. What should I say to her? His dry summary of the events didn't helped me either, I wasn't just jealous. I just don't trusted this Guy and certainly not with my Girl. So I decided to go to here, hoping for once that I would find the right words and that I wouldn't screw this up.

 _ **Catherine:** What are you doing here, this place is surrounded by Cops?_

 _ **Vincent:** I needed to talk to you!_

Catherine:

When Vincent showed up I knew it was important, because it was quiet a risk to search me out with this many cops around. He was apologetic about his departure this morning and instantly started again with his assumptions about Gabe. I had a feeling it was a masquerade, that he tried to make him a bad guy while he was just jealous. He tried to warn me again, from Gabe and from Muirfield but we couldn't finish that conversation. As the shot ringed in our ears my only goal was to take away her daughter, preventing her from the view that would haunt her forever.

When I saw him again Vincent seemed even more agitated, accusing Gabe once more while telling me about the Snipers phone. He got himself so worked up about how close he came to me, how he desperately was trying to make me understand that this wasn't about jealousy. It was the moment that I started to worry. So I apologized and promised him to take a look ant it. He wanted me to trust him and so I did. I had hoped for some information from said phone but the state it was in, didn't left much to do with it. Which meant for me doing my job with good old police work. To get Tess on board was a little hard but she trusted my gut above everything. There was no way we could check him officially without him noticing so I took the next best option and called J.T..

To our surprise there was a very suspicious payment on his account, more than enough to pay for a Killer. So I invited him in our interrogation room and asked. He was denying everything, blowing up some story about an investigator but then something changed. When he started to ask these questions it had took me a while to figure out where he was going with it. It started to make sense, to give me hope, like a puzzle finally falling into place. Could I believe this? Would she really have let us suffer for so many years just to protect us? I knew instantly that I would never sleep again without knowing if there was a chance that she was alive or not.

 _ **J.T.:** It's the one you saw online no._

 _ **Vincent:** It is, it's just hard to get excited by a candle when her A.D.A can wine and dine her like Donald Trump..._

Vincent:

It had been on my mind for a while now, thinking, hoping that she would like it. Seeing it now standing in front of me it looked only shabby. He could invite her to fancy restaurants or theatre's while I would give her a lousy candle. What had I been thinking, this was stupid and also miles away from impressing her. When she came through our door, her pulse was the first thing I noticed besides that she looked totally confused. When she told me about his suspicions I had the instant need to punch something. How could he, today of all days? He had found the only thing she would jump on, the one thing that didn't was always occupied her mind. In my rage I spoke without thinking and told her about that empty casket, regretting it immediately. She looked at me like I had betrayed her, like I had took a knife and rammed it into her back. Nice Job, Vincent.

She asked me how long I knew and I couldn't lie to her, even knowing that this was making it worse. I had never wanted to hurt her but as she looked at me I know I just did. She became so upset that I was sure she would slap me any second. It was useless to tell her why I held that information back, that I only wanted to protect her from more pain. I wanted her to find closure and now that ass had ignited her need for answers like never something before. He had to know that once she start to snoop around she would instantly be on Muirfield's radar. It always came back to Gabe and that's were I lost it. I knew I had overstepped the second this stupid words left my mouth. I tried to explain my reasons but this words and the fact that I had lied to her were to much.

I knew that she was right, that I shouldn't have said that. But I felt like I couldn't protect her, which made me feel so unbelievable helpless and angry and insecure. And now she would go to him, trying to find answers with him. Was there a better way of pushing your Girlfriend in the arms of another man? A man I could never compete with. When she had left me there standing, raging I needed something, something to let out my anger on, my self-hate. The candle was my victim because for a second she stood for everything that he could give her where I couldn't.

When I was feeling like myself again I was incredible ashamed of my behaviour. How could I yell at her like that. I knew how much she had loved her mother, missed her every day and that she would take on any chance that her Mom was still alive. I f I hadn't been so blinded with Anger and the fear of losing her I could be with her right now, searching for answers. But no I sat here, trying to glue back together her present with no knowing if I would even have the chance of giving it to her. If that wrecked candle was some kind of clue for my future than maybe that was the end. And while I fought my insecurities, Tess called, informing me that Gabe was not the client but the victim and that my Catherine was probably with him right now. I had never tracked her phone that quickly, racing out of the door when I knew were to search for her. Hopefully I wasn't too late.

 _ **Later that night...**_

Catherine:

I had made my peace. For the first time I was sure there would be no more secret hovering around her death. So I said my goodbye and concentrated on my now. And my Life now was with Vincent. I tried to call him a few times on my way home but with no answer. So I would go over to him but first I needed a nice, long shower. I saw the note on my bed when I came out of the bathroom, it only said 'roof' but the word was surrounded by little painted stars. When I came up to my roof I was blown away with the view in front of me. Thousands of lights were covering every surface anywhere I would look with him standing unsure in the middle of it. He had done this all by himself and it was beyond perfect. I shivered al little, it felt like my joy flooded like electricity through my body. When he told me about that candle he broke I felt bad. I knew that he was overprotective, possessive and intense, I shouldn't have left him there like that. Sometimes I forgot how hard it was for him, how new and different it all felt . He said he wanted to 'wine and dine' me, in the only way he could but I was sure I wouldn't have loved him less without all of this. And so I nestled myself against my man, just savouring his closeness while I took a sip of wine. It was the perfect moment, the perfect end for this day, just being with him in peace while watching the stars. I sure never felt more loved and safe in all my life.


	21. Chapter 21 Date night

_**So only one episode more and than, this little project part 1 will be done. This Episode really broke my heart, sitting him there taking that pill... so sad! As every day, thanks for reading and reviewing this (Susannah65 and BettyEs this is for you) and I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Vincent:** I thought we were careful..._

 _ **Catherine:** We were and it's probably negative but we will know in three minutes._

Vincent:

I knew I had the worst reaction to a possible pregnancy ever, but I needed her to understand that, beside the frighting thought about passing my insane DNA on to another poor human being, there wasn't a chance in the world that I wanted to become a father with my life like this. I wouldn't be able to go outside with him, her or maybe thanks to my genetics something other. I could never take it to a park, the zoo or simple to a playground. Couldn't be there for him on his first or last day at school, or any sports game. My father had done all this and I honoured these memories with him all my life, what would my child remember? Thanks Daddy for making me a Freak? For never being there? For hiding me all the time? It couldn't even had my name or it would be hunted just like me. No, there wasn't any possible Prospect were I would let a child pulled into this freaking mess. And while I was seconds away from a panic attack, this stupid Gabe called remembering me that she could have all that way better, with another man. Gabe for example. They would be joyful expecting there first child, he would lovingly caress her belly as she would buy the first shoes. With me she would never have that and as I told her that she said that she didn't wanted a baby right now either. Right now? She needed to understand as sorry as I was this would never be in our future. It hurt that she reminded me that we couldn't even go to a restaurant, as I could forget that. It was like all the doubts I had constantly pushed out of my head came crashing back full force. I had beat myself up with thoughts about our future, always trying to assume when it would stop being enough for her. A Year? Three? At last when her biological clock would start ticking. To stop myself from coming completely depressed I tried to work with what I had, pushed some furniture around, fixed some Lights. And installed the TV so we could make a romantic Movie night here. I tried, hoping it would be enough for just a little longer.

When she came back, completely freaked out I first thought he had finally made a move, asked her out or something like that. Catherine was a beautiful, smart woman and it was just a matter of time until some guy came and tried to take my place, offering her all the things she always said she didn't wanted. But no, she almost hysterically informed me of Gabe's transition, that she saw his turned yellow. I couldn't believe it because he could never be like me and walk around outside, living a normal life. And than she dropped the bomb. Medication, pills. I didn't wanted to trust him, the Idea of talking to him, exposing myself to him was too much of a risk, it made me feel far to vulnerable. Gave him to much power over me. But as I looked at her I saw the excitement, the hope of a normal life starting to shine through her eyes. And besides my bad feeling, tried to trust her judgement. Tried to let me infect with her hope, but all it brought up were memories of the last time I allowed myself to hope. Let's just say it didn't went very well. In the elevator the gunshots just confirmed my intuition. And now he was fully transformed and on a rampage.

When we had finally found him at our place, after we just had searched the whole city for him I was more than just a little shocked. First that there was indeed another one who was like me and than the way he looked, crouched and growled had surprised me. That's was how I looked when I was in beast mode? I never had a chance or the thought to take a look at myself, I knew about the veins and the yellow eyes but seeing Gabe like this... How could she see me like this and not freak out? Not run away? And thank god, he hadn't hurt J.T., I would have killed him. Also this whole tracking device thing, he would have very much explaining to do when he woke up again. When we finally had him under control with his meds it all turned even more strange. He really thought he was the one in the weaker spot, how could he when he could go out with his girl, working in his Job while I had spent the last decade hiding in an old warehouse, observing humanity from afar. He seemed desperate for my help, or more my blood while I wasn't finish making a decision about this situation, helping him and getting a chance with this meds. Would they work? Would they help me? Maybe it would make my life more like his, going outside, working... A Chance to be more normal, more for her. Then, as if she had a spy in my head, Catherine surprisingly changed her mind, after she had pressured me the whole day into trying this, believing it would be the flicker of a chance for us she now said it wasn't worth the risk. But my mind replayed the look of hope in her eyes and I knew, if I had a chance to be better for her, to make her wishes come true I would do anything for it.

 _ **J.T.:** DNA is not a fancy gadget made in China._

 _ **Catherine:** I know that you guys worked at a cure for years but now there is someone else with corrupted DNA, too._

J.T.:

She just didn't get it. We had no idea how this pills were working, what they would do to him and he would take them anyway just because she wanted to go to a fucking Movie. So I looked around, careful that he wasn't anywhere near and shared a little of our history. Maybe she would be smarter when she would have more informations. I told her how I had, freshly out of college, given him the first samples. We had worked a year on them, me after school, Vincent in every waking hour. He wanted his life back, more than anything. His Family, Alex. But the side effect had been horrifying, his ears started bleeding, he had headaches 24 hours, he couldn't keep any food down for a week and every day though he demanded the next shot. Nothing changed and the lost hope had made him crush my entire apartment. That's when we had to move in to the warehouse. The next series were short because after the second shot he had almost died through difficulty of breathing. Every new series of shot's had new excruciating surprises, like the one were he spent 3 Month in constant pain but his DNA, his transformations never changed. He was so frustrated, he constantly smashed our stuff, worked out until he almost passed out or just sat somewhere and starred at the wall for hours, days without moving.

We red every book, I had contacted specialists and had gone through every scientific research but after he almost went crazy hearing voices, holding a knife in his hand and threatened to kill me and himself over the last experimental shots, he had enough. He had locked himself in his room for days, sitting in the dark and I could here his sobs through every night. A sound I will never forget. The day he got out of his room was the day he visited his own grave for the first time. When he came home, he had put all our notebooks and research papers away, while I I tried to hinder him until he begged me to stop. Telling me he couldn't take it any more. That was 4 years ago and I never wanted to see this desperate, haunted and broken version of him again. When we now got his hopes up over this stuff, I didn't know if he could take the disappointment. I would check them through, see how they worked and if they could be a solution, but in my gut stayed this uneasy feeling. And sadly I would be right...

 _ **Vincent: Now** , I probably have five good hours left so can we just enjoy it..._

Vincent:

I sat on her bed while holding the bottle of pills in my shaking hand, feeling the sun warming my body. Catherine was still sleeping peacefully behind me. The metallic taste was gone and I could feel my senses reinforce. I wasn't happy about it. Yesterday, in the pool, it had been so amazing, I had felt so unbelievable free. Just going for a swim with my girl, having fun with her and making her smile. With Catherine in my arms and this deep peace within me, I had been brave enough to confess, that I wanted more, so much more. A week before I had never would've talked about it because when I would think it, said it out loud it would never ever go back. And I didn't want to think about all the stuff I could not have, because that meant that she couldn't have them too. A thought that killed me. But for some hours yesterday everything had been possible and while she talked about movies and dinners, my first thought had been her, in a beautiful white dress, walking down the isle towards me. Building her a house, living there with her.

It all burnt away a second after the phone call. Taking the pills would kill me, slowly but they would, J.T. had found out. I wished, I had never known about them. The had given me a few hours of happiness, of hopes and dreams only to take them away in the blink of an eye. But now, all those wishes were inside my head, I had let my walls down, from her and from myself and now they were torturing me. Showing me, what I had wished for and would never get. When we had arrived at her place, we had clung to each other, trying to make these last hours feel like forever. Kissing her desperately, falling into her soft sheets. She had noticed the difference, I had felt it in her reactions, had seen it in her face. Know she knew, how truly restrained I had been with her, how I held myself back every time I was with her. I know, I had promised to not take another one. But it felt like a drug, I knew it would destroy me but they promised me happiness for a small time. Enough time to make another wish of her come true. Just for a few hours so I could take her to the movies like a normal man.

So with one last look on her, I took the pill. I wanted to be good for her, be normal for her no matter the cost. Just for a little bit more. She deserved someone, who could give her everything and I would happily die while making her happy.

Later in that dirty alley I apologized to her. Thank god she wasn't to upset with me, maybe because she thought, getting my ass kicked earlier at her apartment was enough punishment. Who would have known that these guys choose that morning for her attack. I had wanted to help her, safe her but without my beast I wasn't really a threat. I had relied so much on my animal instincts and the strengths that came with it that I had forgot how to fight. That realization had hurt, really hurt. The look in her eyes when she asked again why, I just couldn't bear. So I told her how much I was scared of loosing her. Of not being enough for her and how much I wished to be able to give her a brighter future. But again she reassured that she would always be by my side, that she wouldn't leave. Maybe someday I would believe...


	22. Chapter 22 Never turn back

**Hey my lovely readers, last episode, last chapter... Thank you for accompanying me on this ride, thanks to BettyEs and susannah65 and all the others for your encouraging words of praise. I will take the week of, having some time with my man instead of my laptop ;-) and trying to decide if I go on with season two. Tomorrow I will post that little extra from E15 and that would be the end of this first season. As always I hope you enjoy!**

 _ **Catherine:** Is it really true? What J.T. found, is it actually happening?_

Catherine:

When he ended the call I still held the phone against my ear, starring into nothing while trying to comprehend what J.T. just told me. He could become normal, they maybe had a cure. And slowly the phone slipped through my fingers, falling on the couch and only then I noticed the tears that silently ran down my face. I had always accepted and loved all of him, the whole package including his beast but this chance of being with him, out in the open made my heart break with unbelievable Joy. For him, for me and for the future he deserved more than anything. Even when I tried to keep my hopes down, I wanted to be prepared. When I had back control over myself I made a few phone calls. Wrote Letters for my family and friends. It was astonishingly easy to wrap up my life, like my subconscious mind had planned it for a long time, like I had felt it would come down to this moment. And now, I was ready.

In the following night I dreamed about our date from days before, but now the people in this small town seemed to know us, greeting us with Dr. and Ms. Keller while we took a walk around town. It looked like Fall with beautiful coloured leafs twirling through the cold, fresh air. When we stopped a Window I was surprised by our reflection. We were smiling carefree, happy and his hand lay lightly on my swollen belly and when our hands entwined our simple gold wedding rings reflected in the sunlight. When I woke up from the shock my hand had instantly gone to the exact point where his had been seconds ago, my breath coming in gasps. The next day I stopped by a colleague from witness protection, to collect the small plastic cards I had asked for. We had been to police school together and had cashed in some favours here and there. I had solved the case of his run away nephew. He didn't asked me any questions, just said goodbye.

Until my last breath I would treasure the look on Vincent's face, when I gave him the ID cards. The exact Moment when he realized that this was me taking my place at his side. I knew. he had never fully believed that I would give up anything for him, but now with the proof in his hands, he finally trusted my words. Trusted my love- He was blown away with how far I had prepared this. How much thought I had put in this. But never in my life I had been more sure about something. Running away, beginning something new with him was all I ever had dreamed of, without even knowing it.

How fast Joy could turn into despair I had to learn just a few hours later. Seeing my father lying in this bed wasn't something I could endure. It brought back to much memories about Mom, about feeling helpless. And I needed to know why, why now and if my suspicions were true. If that had been Muirfield, than we might had to run sooner that we thought. But first I was driven mad with the need of knowing what my Dad had wanted to show me. I felt like a woman possessed but I just had to stay in movement, sitting beside his bed would break me. What had he wanted to tell me? What had been so important Dad? And while I was running around searching for our Tech man, I started to loose it. Tess talked to me, calmed me and said the one thing that could bring me to my senses, Heather needed me. And so I took a deep breath, brushed the tears of my face, steeled myself and got in my car to drive to the Hospital. Not knowing that Gabe was already behind me.

When I finally understood his plans, I tried to stay cool, brave so they wouldn't notice the deadly fear that had grabbed my insides. He would kill Vincent, just to survive himself so I did everything in my power to talk him out of this Madness, using every strategy I had ever learned in my career. Nothing worked so when he called Vincent I almost screamed at him to stay away, to not come here for me knowing it was useless. Even in his human state, he would try everything he could. He would come and trying to protect me. Because he always saved me. And with Gabe as full beast he would die trying.

 _ **Gabe:** And what are you going to do if I refuse?_

 _ **Vincent:** I'll kill her._

 _ **Gabe:** Go ahead, kill her..._

Vincent:

Had my fear for her not been great enough, it went to unbearable after my second phone call with Gabe. Who was ready to sacrifice his Girlfriend to get me. With Catherine's Face in my head I made a decision. J.T. went nuts when I searched for the rope and took the gun out the safe. But he knew me, I would never sit around here waiting for Gabe to kill her and if there was any chance for me to save her. I would take it. Tyler had been our last straw, so now there was no other Option. Her life was on the line, so I packed all I would need, hoping my training as a soldier would be enough, that I, just Vincent, would be enough to get her out of there. Because I just couldn't go back, not after finally being free of this curse with a chance of a future with her. So I had nothing but myself to count on, but this body would do anything to protect her until my last heartbeat. I would let him break every single bone in my body just to safe one of hers. It didn't mattered what happened afterwards, as long as she was okay. I had always know that our chances had been slim, no matter how hard we had tried to ignore it, how much we had dreamed for a better future. It was doomed the minute she had given my her heart. And now it was time.

It was harder than I thought, my body had used and trusted too long on this unwanted power. It didn't matter I would do anything, go through every pain for her. My pulse quickened when I heard him growl on the inside, hoping that he had been smart enough to keep her in some kind of locked up room. When I found her cell, I hit that bar with everything I had, I needed to get her out before the door would break. Even when my heart screamed to hold her, to see if she was save, I knew we didn't had the time. The soldier in me searched for the fastest escape while she asked me all those questions about the pills and our life. Didn't she knew that I would do everything to give her a future, to be what she needed? Hadn't she wanted that too, even when she couldn't admit it? And all that was worth nothing if I didn't get her out of here.

I realized very soon that I didn't had a chance against Gabe, not in my condition. He was faster, stronger and threw me around like a sac of flour. When she drove that needle into my body, we both knew, it crushed all hopes of being normal but maybe would get us a slim chance of surviving. While feeling the power explode in my body, I gave myself over to this primal fury, letting out a growl. Now we were even, beast versus beast, fighting till death. I had been so concentrated on Gabe that I didn't even heard them coming. Only when the white light blinded me, the noise from the helicopter finally broke through the haze of madness I had been in. But too late. While fighting against the feeling of containment, her touch as always was the last push to become myself again. While she held my Hand with all her strength, I slowly realized what was happening. Muirfield. It wasn't important how they had find us or that they had killed Gabe. The most important thing in the world was the feeling of her soft, small hand in mine, holding me tightly. I knew deep down, it would be the last time I would touch her skin, see her beautiful face. I wish I could've told her one last time how much she changed me, how much I loved her.

And as they took me away, my eyes had hold hers for as long as I could. I hoped she would be safe, that she wouldn't be so reckless to search for me. I knew, what would wait for me, what they would do to me, the words from the last agent still echoed in my head. Adrenaline, Awake, Cut open. She would find nothing but grief. Please, let her mourn me and than go on with her life, treasuring me as a memory. So she could be happy. Just like J.T. could finally take his life back. We had stayed hidden, and later we fought with all we had and we had lost. It had always been a possibility. And in this net, flying through the cold night air, I let myself remember, the first time I had saved her, so many years ago in the woods. The first time she said my name. The first time she saw me change and how she didn't run. How her hand had touched my cheek in this first night at the warehouse, how it had made me feel human again. Our nights together, how her skin felt against mine. And I had saved the best memory for last. The night she told me she loved me. And that first, live changing Kiss. I could almost feel her lips. That was how I wanted to remember her. Warm, beautiful and full of Love. Bringing me the comfort I had desperately wanted for so long. How she had been my salvation. It was a calming thought, knowing I had the chance of feeling like that again, accepted and loved, even just for a short time. I made my peace with everything knowing the timer for my end had started to run down. I was ready.


	23. Chapter 23 Extra

**Okay so this is what my mind put together after the 15 episode. I couldn't get it out of my head and tried to find a plausible story behind those few words Vincent had told Cat. As you know, I only watched the first season so I don't know if that could come into focus on later episodes... Have Fun!**

The street lights were barely on in this warm summer evening and it didn't help me feeling any cooler. Nor made it me feel save, but that was always a side effect of working at night. Pulling my black dress just a little higher I made my way across the street, down to the bar where I would meet my next client. I had started this escort job in college, it had helped me finish my education without any great debt and after that I just couldn't get myself to quit it right away. I thought it was nice to get dressed up, eating in the finest restaurants and I truly enjoyed being desired like that. It wasn't always about sex. I had a few regulars who I accompanied on events or a dinner here and there and it was always good money. Today was the first meeting with a new one. My agency had done all the check ups and now I just needed to make a good first impression. In front of that fancy restaurant I took a last, deep breath and checked my reflection before getting inside.

He waited at the bar, I instantly knew because of the blue tie. He had written it in his last mail, he would wear one for me to recognize him. The suit he wore was expensive, his blond hair cut short. He looked okay so I waited for his eyes to find me and then slowly walked over to him, knowing that his eyes would follow every sway of my hips. He introduced himself as John what definitely wasn't his real name. But that's how this business rolled, my mother wouldn't have named me Natasha either, but that was how John would call me. We ordered two drinks, whiskey pure, the only alcohol I would drink this night, before he discretely handed me an envelope with surly 500 $ in it. I wasn't an idiot I knew I always had to be careful, especially with new clients so first comes the money and than I would write my contact that I had arrived and got paid. He tried to impress me with talking about his Job as a broker and his yacht and I smiled and admired at the right moments, even when he bored me to death. Shortly before 11, he paid our drinks and we made our ways outside. He helped me in my jacket because it had become cool over the last hours. I saw that he wasn't sober any more and was thankful that he had a driver sitting in his expensive BMW.

The shield moved up between us and the Driver, then we were alone with only soft music playing in the back round. I sat next to him in the back seat while we were on the way to my preferred hotel, when I noticed that he became rather agitated, he started rubbing his palms at his pants while starring at me strangely. I started to feel uneasy and tried to soothe him with words and little touches. Maybe he was just nervous? The first time was always a little awkward. But the second I grazed his knee, he aggressively pushed my hand away and took a hold in my hair. It hurt like hell and I instantly started to panic, when he told me quietly that he would be the only one doing the touching tonight and that he would enjoy breaking me down. Scenes from my last self defence course flashed through my mind, collect your strength, try to focus and the strike. Reacting fast, I punched him with all my power while my other hand opened the car door. This would probably the only chance for me to get away before something really bad would happen. Through the pain in his chin and the surprise, his grip on my hair loosened, what gave me the chance to threw myself out of the car protecting my head only with my arms. Not one of my greatest ideas when wearing high heels and a skirt but I think staying in there would've been even worse. This psychopath didn't even stopped the car, just drove off while I was slowly trying to sit up. I was alone, in the middle of some kind of industrial area with no one around for miles.

Ouch, my ankle hurt badly and I saw that my hands and legs were full of bloody scratches. Thankfully my expensive leather jacket had protected my arms but sadly was now a case for the trash can. But I got away. Maybe a sign to quit this job I thought while trying to get up. He came out of nowhere quietly asking if he could help me. I hadn't heard or seen him approaching but I took the offered hand and he gently pulled me up. He asked if I was okay, but really I had no idea. Pulling these damn shoes off of me, I tried to stand on my foot but flinched when a wave of pain rolled through my ankle. Carefully he held me closer while I tried to regain my breath and balance. I told him that I probably need a doctor and asked for his phone. Seemed like mine hadn't survived the jump out of the car, it laid crushed on the street in front of me. But to my luck he told me that though, he didn't had his phone on him, he was a doc and if I was okay with it he would take a look at my wounds. I studied him and his face before I answered, his eyes where never looking directly at me and under the street lights I saw nothing aggressive or threatening in his posture. I didn't think he would hurt me, he was almost painfully shy in his behaviour towards me.

So I thankfully accepted his offer. He informed me that he lived just around the corner. At first I tried to walk with his arm around me but when he saw how it pained me, surprisingly he scooped me up, carrying me the last minutes to his place. He saw my eyes turn wary when we stopped in front of this creepy, old warehouse and told my softly that it was rather nice inside and that I wouldn't need to be scared. Something in his soft voice made me believe him. Inside, he helped me sit on an old leather couch downstairs and excused himself, going on the search for band aids and stuff. While he was gone, I used the time and looked around. He was right, nothing screamed serial killer, it was just like a very reclusive man cave. A big TV with video games stood in a corner, a fridge in the other corner with a little made up kitchen, DVD's and books were lying around everywhere and while I scanned the room I saw my reflection in one of the stained windows. My long naturally red hair was a total mess and I tried to tame it a little with my fingers. I was just pulling a dry leaf out of it, when he came back. He had lost the jacket and the cap somewhere in the last minutes and I observed, that he was surprisingly handsome.

Gently he knelled in front of me and treated all of my wounds. After that he iced my ankle, talking to me the whole time about what he did. Not one question of how I ended up on the street in this outfit, either he was gentleman enough to overlook the fact or plainly ignored it. After I was all patched up, with a bandage around my slightly swollen ankle he offered me a beer and I told him, I could need one. I asked him by the way about one of the books in front of me and soon we are just talking about R. Frost, while the room was only illuminated by the moon and some candles. It felt differently to all this other loud conversation you have over your live. This was sweet and innocent. Nothing personal not even Names were exchanged, we just talked about poetry and books. I told him how thankful I was for his help. Somewhere there I decided that I want to give him something back, so when he stood up to get a glass of water I gently laid my hands on his thigh. He went completely still while my hand lightly travelled up to his hip, the tips of my fingers had barely brushed the skin under his shirt. He told me that I don't have to do that. But I knew that, I just wanted to. I fisted his shirt and slowly pulled him down until our lips met. Normally I didn't kissed any client but he wasn't one of them and I just wanted to be with him, loosing myself with this gorgeous man for one night only. He hesitantly kissed me back while his hands rested lightly on my shoulder and the couch. It felt so soft and gentle, almost a little like falling in love. I tugged his shirt up and he slowly took it off, letting it fall to the floor while shyly waiting for my next move. He looked like the epitome of a strong male but his actions betrayed him. He hadn't done this in a long time and it spurred me on, I wanted to make this good for him. I had kissed his chest while my fingers had searched and found his belt. With satisfaction I watched his eyes widen and his breath quicken. But when I had gotten the first button of his jeans loose something changed. His breathing had started to come in short gasps, his hands started shaking and for a second I had thought his eyes had been illuminated in gold. Like a light had shone through them.

He turned around, took a few steppes back all while gripping his hair. He grunted at me, said I needed to go and it scared me how his voice had changed. I realized it felt like he had vanished in front of me and a completely different thing had taken his place. I stood up and got myself a little closer to the door, while asking him if he was okay. Nothing could had prepared me for his face when he turned around. His features were grotesque and animal like. He had turned into a monster. Growls were coming out of him as he slowly made his way over to me. Turning around I ran for the door but before I could get a hold on the handle he gripped me, his sharp claws ripping through my dress and scratching my skin drawing blood. I was pushed against the door, trapped between it and his body while he dangerously growled in my ear. I felt his nose slowly sliding down the side of my neck, like he would sniff me while his claws gripped my hips tightly. My last chance was strapped in my bra and under crippling fear I try to get my hand on the little, hidden can of pepper spray. Collecting my last strength I turned in his grip and sprayed it directly in his eyes. He screamed, no howled in pain and this fracture of a second gave me enough time to push myself back trough the door, were I closed and locked it behind me. And than I ran. I ran for my life, ignoring the pain in my ankle just heading towards the next greater street. I heard his growls become quieter behind me but I didn't turn around, I didn't stop.

Part II is now officially posted as a new story! Simply found at my profile or under the name More than we see Part II...


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